Sad State of Grammar, Spelling and Punctuation

Another week, yet another series of silent entries from my co-contributors. But never fear, I’m not going to throw up the next portion of Bannock. Because, if someone out there was actually enjoying it, there is nothing more delightful than having to wait a full month for the short to get posted in its entirety.

There may be a reason no one reads my stuff.

At any rate, I wanted to discuss something. It is something that doesn’t enter modern parlance often but for the select elite it is a topic of heated opinions and ferocious debate. I am, of course, leading into discourse on English grammar. It’s the most wonderful of all issues that I can already hear the sounds of the two people who read my stuff closing their browsers. But bear with me, this isn’t going to be some long condemnation about the laziness of modern individuals and their complete detestations for the structure and composition of modern English.

Taken from wikipedia so it's creative commons baby!

The School of Athens by Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino

Honestly, if I were to blame anyone for the “sorry state” it is in, that would be our government. Course, to hold this discussion properly I would first need to demonstrate that English is in a sorry state. I won’t because I’m not entirely sure it is. It’s not considered one of the most difficult languages to learn without reason and part of English’s difficulties arise from its state of being an evolving language. We have no rigid bodies that enforce all English must be conducted and spoken in one specific way. In fact, multiple branches of English are in the process of evolving. You have the older, traditional British English and its multitude of dialects (and no I’m not going to get into a discussion between the difference between a language proper and a dialect). Then you have American English with its determination to distinguish itself from its founder tongue by introducing even more contradictions and irregularities than the former all in the name of “standardization” (it’s even less standard than before).

Anyway, back to blaming the government because someone needs to take a fall for when things go bad, I and my colleagues all grew up in little, quaint Canada. We were educated through the curious period where our education overlords got it in their silly heads that language didn’t need to be taught in school. Forget every other language and country out there who fiddled and fretted their time stuffing their children’s heads full of nonsense like how to properly construct a sentence, we were Canadian and we were going to do things differently! The idea, misguided as it was, followed that language was accrued in a child’s brain naturally through use and exposure. They just missed the giant part where exposure also included formal study in school. Thus, what little grammar I learned was from rebellious English teachers determined to stop the coming apostrapocalypse (they’re churning in their graves already except none of them are dead to my knowledge). Now, I won’t claim to have the perfect grasp of our grammar. My lessons were sporadic at best and it is in a child’s nature to abhor and rebel against the learning of such dry topics as grammar. I did, however, emerge knowing the difference between active and passive voice which would turn out to be something even some of my university professors fail to grasp.

But that’s a different story. What I want to focus on is the lessons on the serial comma – otherwise known as the Oxford Comma. Now, before some grammar pundit comes along and tries to dismiss my entire discussion because I misappropriate the use of a hyphen or semi-colon somewhere in this passage, I will put forth the disclaimer that I am no punctuation maven and it is only through use (whether it be misuse or not) that I hope to gain proficiency. So, if you wish to criticize my grammar because I dared to discuss grammar than to you I say, “Pffffffft.”

Now with that out of the way, back to the serial comma. Everyone is aware of The Rule. When listing a series of items, you must separate them all with a comma. Thus, if I wished to tell you about my friends Derek, Jeremy, and Heather I would separate them each as I have done. Except, that was not the lesson I was taught. My grammar teacher, an old and rather opinionated man originally from Britain, was adamant on the old method of serializing. One separates all the items except for the last. Thus, my friends would be Derek, Jeremy and Heather. I took a liking to this because there was something abrasive about the sight of that trailing comma before the conjunction. I mean, the comma is meant to separate items grammatically and the conjunction does that of its own accord. It was like the ever obnoxious “Now that that is done” structure. I’ve never liked unnecessary repetition and the serial comma was just that to me: unnecessary.

Of course, there are others that see things differently.

Accessed from http://thefutureislikepie.com/if-you-use-one-piece-of-punctuation-in-2013-let-it-be-the-oxford-comma/oxford-comma-cartoon/

Oxford Comma cartoon by Lisa Maria (I believe). All rights reserved to her.

It’s a compelling argument for the Oxford comma, I will admit. Unless you are a fan of JFK and Stalin as strippers. Unfortunately, this is not nearly as hard and fast a rule as the United States Government Printing Office would like you to assume. Though it can offer clarity in an ambiguous sentence, the true mistake is thinking that this grammatical construct can remove ambiguity altogether. For example, had Ms. Maria offered the sentence as We invited the striper, JFK, and Stalin then we would have the lovely bottom example except poor Stalin would be sans pasties and pink bikini bottom. And no one would want to be missing that.

But we need not reserve ourselves to rather niche sentence structures for this common comma issue to arise. The Times once published this unintentionally entertaining sentence about a Peter Usinov documentary, “highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800 year old demigod and a dildo collector.”

Poor Mandela, there is really no way to construe this construct without it leaving some question about his character. Of course, the non Oxford reading would suggest three individuals or that Nelson Mandela is both an ancient being of legend and rabid collector of sexual  paraphernalia. The Oxford comma, while clarifying that he wouldn’t have walls of phallic symbols still suggests that he’s a being of cosmic proportions from antiquity.

This is best highlighted with the sentence: She traveled to Toronto with Kathie, a driver, and a cleaner.

Is it possible to parse this sentence with 100 percent certainty on how many people went to Toronto? Would removing a comma solve this? No, for both. We can’t tell if Kathie is a driver or if there was a separate person driving. Removing the last comma leaves the question whether a cleaner and driver tagged along or whether Kathie is capable of keeping an orderly house and navigating the highways.

Ultimately, all these examples aren’t resolved with finicky rules over punctuation use. The only way to clarify your intent is that tried and age old method of rewriting the sentence. For example:

She went to Toronto with Kathie, who was a driver and a cleaner.

She went to Toronto with Kathie, a driver, and with a cleaner.

She went with Kathie to Toronto with a driver and a cleaner.

Writing is more than just slapping a few words in proper grammatical structure and being done with the deal. It’s a matter of communication and insuring that your intent is conveyed as well as are able through the use of the structure and grammar of your language. Especially for English which embraces the ever shifting and evolving nature of communication between peoples. We haven’t institutionalized Shakespearean English and I think we’re all better for it. But we should be aware of what we’re trying to say and how we’re saying it to insure the message we wish to convey is the one being received. Sometimes this requires learning and following the traditional rules and structures. Other times, it necessitates a certain leniency and willingness to break tradition. Because sometimes we need a genderless third person singular pronoun and by God it is my right and heritage to use they even if it is “technically” incorrect. And until the grammar Nazis recognize and reinstate thy and thee they’ll just have to deal with it.

Over the Broken Banks of Bannock Part 4

Working late or late working, eh?

Here’s more Bannock for the evening.

Taken from wikipedia. So it's creative commons!

Pioneertown, California. Specifically the saloon and bath house. Photo by Matthew Field

Felicity regarded herself in the mirror. After sorting the details with the manager, and passing Nicolai’s promissory along, she had purchased one night’s stay for her and her crew in a modest hotel. The first thing she did was run a bath. Even after soaking in the tin basin for hours, she was still finding smudges of filth. She spent most the morning hunting down the persistent marks of the rails. Dipping the cloth in the small water basin, she pressed against a dark stain, but it took a few wipes for her to realize it was a bruise and not dried blood or dirt.

“Looking awfully fine this morning, captain.”

“Stow it, Schroeder, else I’ll see you scrubbing the bilge tubes till the first snows fall over Huo Hanh.”

She could see him in the reflection of the mirror. The fop drew erect in the door frame, raising his hand in mock salute.

“Sir, yes sir! Just trying to compliment my captain on the benefits of a decent bath and some fresh clothes, sir!”

“Fresh water and a scum’s hanging ain’t luxuries we often enjoy. Might as well make the most of the day.”

“Really looking forward to Hopkin’s five foot shuffle?”

“Ain’t nothing unrighteous in enjoying a bit of justice,” Felicity shrugged.

“Considering our appetites, I don’t know if hungering for justice is a healthy craving.”

“Sure, the frontier ain’t the clearest on the right and the wrong but he ain’t done right by my people and for that I’m aiming to see him pay.”

“Awww,” Schroeder softened his features, “I’m touched captain. But it was only a sprain at best.”

“Get off it,” Felicity frowned. “You know very well I mean Pacal. Ain’t a fitting end for such a noble man. He deserved better.”

Schroeder’s grin vanished. He shifted on his feet, the weight of the unspoken words too much for him to bear. Twice he opened his mouth to respond but nothing came forth. At last he loosened his cravat and the adjustment seemed to free his tongue.

“Forgive me, captain. I didn’t mean anything disrespectful. Just wanted to say I’ve never seen you quite so fancy. If it weren’t for that hat, I may not recognize you at all.”

“I ain’t looking for a celebration. Just to do right by my own. He’d want to see a proper trial and that these folk got the justice they deserved.”

Schroeder nodded. “Well, it’s a good look. Quite the elegant frock and even I don’t have as nice of a twelve button bib. I’m sure even the giant would approve.”

Felicity dropped the cloth in the water and pushed into the hall.

“You coming?”

Laure was waiting outside the hotel, standing as still as a boulder waiting patiently for whatever mountain had dropped her in the dirt. She still wore her boy’s clothes and kept a sharp eye on those that passed by.

“Shiny day, captain,” she greeted.

“Sleep well?” Felicity asked.

“Best rest in months but it don’t beat the gentle thrum of an engine or the churn of a boiler at your side. Nights get awful cold no matter how many blankets you got.”

“Leave it to you to find a decent bed and not be able to use it,” Schroeder teased.

“I ain’t use to laying in one all day, unlike others.”

“We’ll be sure to depart shortly, once our business is concluded,” Felicity said, interrupting the exchange. “Meanwhile, tend to the ship. We still got our shipment and it could use some help getting on board.”

The engineer nodded but didn’t move to carry out her orders. Felicity looked at her expecting.

“There anything else?”

She didn’t respond right away, her eyes following the slow passage of the sun for a moment before she shook her head.

“Begging your pardon, captain, but I think S.J. is fully capable of handling the goods.”

“Who’s lazy now?” Schroeder accused.

“I would just like to join you is all.”

Felicity regarded her engineer closely. She had been awfully quiet since Pacal’s passing. At least, quieter than usual. Felicity rested her hand on the other woman’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“If you think it best.”

Schroeder yawned.

“I could use a saloon.”

“We don’t have time.”

“I hardly think a hanging on an empty stomach is going to be enjoyable.”

“Ain’t enough liquor on the continent to fill you,” Felicity said.

“That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try!”

Felicity shook her head and turned to Laure.

“Get her running hot then come on down to the hall. We’ll put this town behind us soon enough.”

Laure nodded and made her way toward the train.

“Didn’t take her for the hanging type.”

“Let’s just get this done,” Felicity said. “I can’t rightly guess it but I’m reckoning there’s something rotten in Bannock.”

“You think it involves us?”

“I aim to keep it otherwise. Just make sure you keep that rifle close.”

She gave his gun’s shoulder strap a pat and stepped down from the hotel’s steps.

As they walked through the town, Schroeder gazed up at the Mound. His eyes traced the bare rock that burst through the loose soil like the bones of a giant torn open to bleach beneath the baking sun.

“It’s a curious landmark,” he said. “Quite the rise in an otherwise flat and unremarkable land. Unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I can see why the tribals would revere it. Something as grand as that doesn’t deserve to be so tarnished by those snaking mine carts and rails boring into its side. But leave it to the magnates to disregard beauty in their hunt for quick profits.”

Felicity turned to him.

“What do you know of Bernhard Nicolai?”

Schroeder blinked.

“Has a horrendous two-step.”

“I’m serious, Schroeder.”

“So am I. Heard he trod on poor Katherine Hampton’s toes. She likened it to being pitched beneath one of his great engines. Nicolai didn’t take kindly to the words and Mr. Hampton neither liked the reply. To this day both men keep trying to strangle the other out of business and peace. Why?”

“I appreciate knowing my allegiances. Thought maybe with your connections you’d have some insight.”

“My connections? You mean that ungrateful patrician who claims kinship?”

“Your father? Yes.”

“Well, I told you I don’t care for his business,” Schroeder said. “Doesn’t matter one wit to me if he’s managed to become the fourth biggest rail magnate or whatever title those doddering old men wrestle over. Petty game for petty men who have in their heads if they run the colonies like some hard nosed aristocrat they’ll earn themselves the fancy title to prove it.”

“Is that what it’s about?”

“More often than not. Some lay claim to the old lines that held names in jolly Thyre before King Horitius and his Star Chamber Trials sent most fleeing to spare their necks. They make it sound as if a stained name will ever be cleansed. But even with the Queen and her congratulations, it isn’t anything but appeasement and placation. Those nobles only care about the coin the magnates earn and if they think they’ll be seen as true blood then they’ve spent too long in a Jader’s fog.”

“Is Nicolai one of them?”

Schroeder turned to her and shrugged.

“Yes? Maybe? I don’t rightly know. My father and I never really talked business and the way he discussed his competitors makes them all blend together. You want to know about the business, best speak with one of my brothers. They are snapping at the collar to inherit the kingdom. But I could care less who lays the most track or gains the largest stake of the market. It’ll matter just as much as those that cornered the lumber and shipbuilding hundred’s of years prior.”

“And you don’t got a feeling of him from when you met?”

“Don’t know if I did. Not my interest and if my father did one thing right it was cutting me from business affairs. Anything else?”

“Very well.”

He sighed, thinking back on that life. Though Felicity knew most of the crew would always see him as the spoiled child of his namesake, he would pleasantly forget that world of deceitful sycophants and ambitious traitors if he could.

“He’s got guile,” Schroeder said after a moment. “More so than you’d expect from a magnate who typically wears his desires on his sleeve. I believe he connived my father into an unfavourable deal that stained his governorship. My father believed he was after his position and wouldn’t stop raving about it afterwards. Can’t say what the deal was and my father swore he’d never trust him again but that he garnered my father’s trust in the first place was a mark of a true manipulator.”

“So ain’t someone to trifle -”

Felicity stopped abruptly and Schroeder nearly tripped into her. He followed her gaze, his eyes immediately alighting upon a simple, squat building. The large sign bore the faded letters “Mitchell Wood’s.” It had the appearance of an old general store but beneath the sign hung a large savage’s weapon, swinging on a thick, rusted chain. The thin blade was chipped and stained as if it had been salvaged from a recent slaughter and pinned to the building immediately afterwards. A simple wooden barrel was propped near the door with an enticing sign reading “Free Lunch” set on top.

It was a saloon but Felicity wouldn’t stop for that.

Instead, there was a simple piece of paper nailed to the porch post and fluttering in the gentle breeze. It was long and thin and Felicity stepped forward to hold it stiff in her fingers. Two symbols were written in a thick, tapering black ink and stacked one above the other. They were a complex series of lines, crosses and squares that appeared more like some sort of arcane script than a written language.

But both recognized the Jader symbol immediately.

“Give me your gun.”

“My rifle? And where’s yours?” Schroeder cried.

“The pistol. Laure’s still working on mine. Your gun!”

Schroeder grumbled, reaching beneath his jacket and fetching the weapon from the holster strapped to his lower left shoulder. Felicity took it and flicked open the chamber, looking inside.

“Two shots?”

“It was a rough night.”

“What of the rifle?”

“Less.”

Felicity gave him a glowering look. Schroeder shrugged.

“The hotel had a bar!”

She snapped the chamber closed and tucked the weapon into the waist of her pants. She then tore the paper from the nail.

“We’re not actually thinking of looking for him.”

“This was left for us,” she said.

“How can you be sure!” Schroeder cried as she took to the steps.

“I thought you wanted a saloon!”

She pushed her way inside.

Choking Creativity – Copyright Laws

Disney is awful.

http://logoblink.com/monopoly-mickey-mouse-logo/

Ironically, I don’t know who the artist for this apropos image is. Accessed from logoblink.com.

I don’t mean awful in the sense that their products have been of grossly questionable quality for a number of years. Which isn’t to say things like UP aren’t awful in the descriptive sense and people are willing to overlook it’s short comings to an astonishing degree because of nostalgia for a time when Disney’s work wasn’t so creatively bankrupt. But that’s another rant.

No, Disney is awful in a very real and more important sense. They are killing our culture. It is the slow, spiteful squeezing of our society’s windpipe until we are unable to breath anymore. And they do this while gleefully sucking in as much air as they possible want.

So what on earth am I talking about? Copyright law.

Now, as a creative person it might seem a little odd or even counter intuitive that I would have an issue with copyright. It is, after all, ostensibly designed to protect my interests so that I may receive due recompense for some theoretical body of work that gets published one day and released to the market. It’s designed so that someone won’t just swoop into this very site, pluck my silly stories about heroic adventurers in ludicrous fantasy settings and sell them on their own without giving me proper value for my work. Which is a noble goal seeing that copyright’s first incarnation appears to be Charles II of England’s rather misguided attempt to try and control what media was being released with the invention of the printing press.

Now, as a creative person, I wholly encourage the protection of an artist’s work so that they may profit off their  endeavors. Creating art isn’t really the same as creating a table as we’re discussing ideas and ideas don’t truly exist in a corporeal fashion. This becomes more and more apparent the further we get from actual physical art. A statue is hardly going to be stolen and it’s  craftsmanship  isn’t something easily replicated. A novel, on the other hand, is quite easy to replicate as you merely have to copy the words and order the original artist made. This isn’t to say that sculpture should be exempt from copyright but I think it demonstrates my point rather effectively. Here are some famous sculptures of our past.

 

Creative commons from wikipedia

Perseus by Benvenuto Cellini (1500-1571)

Creative Commons from wikipedia

Perseus with Medusa’s Head by Antonio Canova (1757-1822)

Taken from the Internets.

Perseus and the Gorgon by Laurent Marqueste (1890)

What do all three of these works share? Despite being a hundred years apart from each other, they were developed in a time before The Walt Disney Company would prevent them from ever being formed. You see, culture isn’t created in a vacuum. Ideas are shared, expanded, re-explored, re-imagined or often just outright copied but with the creator’s own personal touch. All of these statues are based on the Ancient Greek Perseus myth. Their sculptors did not create the characters depicted in them. Perseus himself was not recompensed for his likeness. Marqueste, Canova and Cellini did not have to fill out a bunch of legal documents, forge specific contracts to licence the image or postures or even need to seek the Greek’s approval in order to make these. They were inspired, perhaps even by each other, and they just created. Two of them after the first copyright laws were coming into form.

And we are all enriched because of it.

The Disney Company, however, would like to see this changed.

First, a quick little sojourn through copyright’s history. When it was first fashioned to protect creative works for artists’ benefit, the length of the copyright lasted 14 years with the possibility to apply for a second 14 year extension. No artist in their right mind would pass up on 14 more years of pay, so it was effectively a 28 year hold on an idea so that the original creator could reap what financial benefits they could before their idea was thrown back into the public domain to be played with as others saw fit. This is fine. It allows the Canova’s and Marquestes’ of the world their own opportunities to fashion statues of naked men holding severed or soon to be severed women’s heads.

But, as Tom W. Bell from techliberation.com so well demonstrated, this time frame is entirely arbitrary and subject to change through his predictive Mickey Mouse Curve.

I don't actually know if this is creative commons but I will not miss the irony if he sends us a cease and desist for this.

Copyright Duration and the Mickey Mouse Curve by Tom W. Bell

So what are we looking at here? This is a graph charting the course of the expiration date of Steamboat Willie as it nears its entry point into the public domain only for new copyright law to extend its duration. To be clear, one can not copyright a character but they can copyright a movie that features the first appearance of said character. That would be the  eponymous Steamboat Willie featuring the world’s most recognizable rodent. Technically, I can use Mickey’s likeness so long as its part of a commentary on a related issue – say if I were to show Mickey Mouse in a satirical cartoon of stomping North American culture. The important thing to note is the length that copyright now protects a work. From something that was originally 28 years has become 50 years then the death of the creator then the death of the creator plus 50 years until our current copyright of the death of the creator plus 75 years.

Let’s take a moment to ponder this.

Current copyright protects a work for 75 years AFTER the death of the person who created it. It’s not even sensitive to the time that the work was made. Let’s jump up to our statuary example above. According to modern copyright, the Canova estate would be eligible for suing poor Mr. Marqueste for his clearly derivative work of his statue Perseus with Medusa’s Head. Had Mr. Marqueste gotten the copyright on the butchering of Medusa, I would not have been able to include an image of his work in a rant on copyright until 1995. Nineteen years ago, I would have been unable to picture a work of art made in a time before colour photography was invented to allow me the opportunity to even photograph it!

We have now created for ourselves a point in cultural development where works can not be touched by the public sphere for an entire generation after it was made. And this is working off the assumption that copyright doesn’t get extended beyond its current term which, I’m sure before 2023 rolls around will be changed again. Just to reiterate, no culture is made in a vacuum. Everything builds upon itself. Shakespeare wouldn’t exist without the prior poems and legends which he fashioned his stories from. Romeo and Juliet was based on an Italian tale translated in Arthur Brookes’ The Tragic Tale of Romeus and Juliet in 1562. As a reminder, the play was first published in 1597. The only copyright law we have which would historically allow arguably the most famous Shakespearian work to exist is the original copyright of 28 years. Seeing that Shakespeare died in 1616, according to Disney’s will, the play shouldn’t even exist at all even if we assume Arthur Brookes keeled over the moment his Tragic Tale hit the printing press.

The ultimate irony is that Disney has and continues to profit off the public domain. Their most recent work, Frozen, is based off Hans Christian Anderson’s highly acclaimed The Snow Queen (1845). Disney has over 100 movies based on others creative works with their most famous and celebrated ripped directly from the same public domain they refused to let their rat enter. Cinderella, Alice in Wonderland, Sleeping Beauty, The Sword in the Stone, Robin Hood, The Jungle Book, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin and The Hunchback of Notre Dame all owe their thanks to free access to their original work. Which, as I said, is just the tip of the iceberg. 

Finally, let’s remember that the song Happy Birthday to You is actually a copyright work. The owner of this cute little cultural artifact is Birch Tree Group Limited which was acquired by Warner/Chappell Music who to this day enforce their copyright claim and collect about $5,000 a day in royalties for the song. That’s over $1,800,000 a year for a song they had zero hand in creating. That’s right. Every time you sing this song on a relative’s birthday, you are breaking copyright law for a tune attributed to an 1893 kindergarten teacher and technically owe Warner/Chappell Music royalties.  So it’s time you paid up.

The Petty Kingdom of Calandria Part 2

Don’t worry fellow readers, I’m not about to post a whole world of built kingdoms and histories and places and peoples. The one nice thing about my D&D setting (and this now carries both campaign and short story relevancy) is that it’s created piecemeal. I can travel to different parts and locations freely and can make and develop whatever whimsy strikes me in that moment. Alas, such freedom isn’t truly allowed in a game setting, which means this little isolated kingdom is likely to be the most developed portion of the world.

And we know this because it got a map. A map gracefully charted by my personal cartographer since I hate coming up with land shapes and the geological features. But I love filling everything in and imagining how life would develop and shape the land it finds itself upon.

Anywho, on to the major sites of the Petty Kingdom of Calandria!

——–

Major Sites of the Petty Kingdom of Calandria

 

I lied, my personal cartographer made it, I just filled it in.

Because the beauty of this map can’t be posted enough.

Castrus

(village, ranches, dynastic fortifications ~21,000 population and 1,400 garrison)

The capital and home to the throne of the House Laranica is the heavily fortified city of Castrus. Castrus served as the focal point for the defensive ring of Calandria’s fort system and it shows. Massive parapets, soaring walls, crenellations, thick portcullis, majestic keep – Castrus has it all. From a dominating position upon a bluff overlooking Lake Aluar, Castrus boasts the prestigious reputation of having never been breached. Course, no attack has ever managed to siege her walls as all wars were ended before a force could march against her. That hasn’t stopped each successive Jarl from adding to the plethora of defensive structures protecting the stone home of the ruling House. As such, multi-tiered gates and inner walls tumble down the precipitous side of the bluff to the newly raised harbour towers commissioned by Jarl Brivis himself. All this serves to create an intimidating spectacle for visitors. Clever engineering has formed a snaking stair wall protecting every home and shanty beneath the Jarl’s gaze. They say not even the Ridgeback mountain goats could hope to leap over Castrus’ fortifications. Keep Laranica itself is an awe-inspiring collection of spires rising like bunched pikes to oversee the people beneath. Despite Castrus’ protections, however, it fails to be particularly populous. The lake, after years of massive fishing from both Calandria and her neighbours have rapidly reduced the schools within it. The cracked rock surrounding the city is an ill-fit for farming but has served well enough as the only other alternative for grazing sheep within the Jarl’s borders. A decent wool and mutton industry keeps some production within the walls as well as locating much of the metalworking and ship building in the petty kingdom. It is clear, however, that the kingdom’s wealth isn’t going to be found in the capital’s influence but after so many years of fortifying, there is no safer place in all the lands. Countess Arosa has decried the irrelevancy of the ancestral hold and demanded that a lavish apartment be constructed in Valencia so that she could be closer to the lifeblood of her nation. While the kingdom’s court still meets within the stoney cold walls of Castrus, much of its influence and politicking is done at the Cath Croya Estate in the bustling heart of Calandria – especially given how the people whisper that the Jarl bends his ear to every whisper of his ignominious daughter.

 

Valencia

(city, farms ~65,000 pop)

Ask any from outside Calandria where is its capital and nine times out of ten people will tell you it’s Valencia. Despite demonstrating that the vast majority of nations are rather ignorant of the petty kingdom, what most ever learn about it is the bustling city. It’s no wonder as the enormous settlement not only holds almost half of the kingdom’s entire population, but it is also the single most important trade hub in the region. Though it does not connect directly with the Crossroads, it does connect with subsidiary lines and any foreign merchant’s first point of entry is inevitably through its bronze gates. It’s also where the vast majority of foreigners end up. Supported by the only arable land and the enormous fortified estate which houses the kingdom’s military elite, Valencia rises up over Calandria’s single sea of wheat and oats – the grains hardy enough to grow even in its crisp temperate climates. Valencia’s beginnings, however, were far more humble than one would suspect. Originally, it was just one of the ring of fortifications protecting the inner Calandria proper. But due to its location, temperature and land, it quickly grew from a hearty fort into a sprawling settlement that quickly expanded beyond its meagre walls. It became the home of Calandria’s old warrior council – the Cath Croya – supported by the farmers in its fields and an ever expanding fort that most believe is a palace and not a military base. As such, it has sometimes been referred to as the Etreria of the North though it lacks the romantic raised, decrepit keep over a sprawling plains view as well as the grandiose, multicultural flair of the City of Roads. Few in Valencia belabour the point.

Valencia is home to the wealth and heart of Calandria and its markets are often the last point of contact for most enterprises within its borders. There is a bit of a problem with Valencia, however, in that its conversion into the most populous city in the petty kingdom has left the southern border woefully unprotected. With Valencia’s rise in prominence, the sitting Jarl moved the garrison from the city and has never returned it. The Cath Croya, once the Jarl’s advisory formed from his most elite and expert warriors, were seen as a potential threat to the stability of the kingdom. Their prestige was assured through hereditary inheritance and subsequent generations were less loyal to the crown while their city grew wealthy and prestigious. As such, Valencia has been forced to hire a mercenary militia whose skills and loyalty to their employers is tenuous at best. Their inability to properly police the city has made the citizenry criticize the Cath Croya’s right to govern and many people cry for the abolition of the council and for the Jarl to be granted full fealty of the city. The council, however, holds loftier ambitions. From the grandiose halls of the Croya Estate, they manage a network of scattered castrum scattered about the countryside. These old stone structures are unearthed fortifications from antiquity and provide an early warning and supply line dotting the rollings hills and farmsteads.

Major production in Valencia is focused on the land surrounding it. This is the only location one can find orchards and apples as well as raspberries and more temperate foods. As such, much of Valencia’s tribute to the Jarl is paid in harvests that are then spread amongst the rest of his peoples. And while Valencia is large, it isn’t considered the most picturesque. It almost squats between the hills, crawling and creeping constantly outwards and onwards from its focal about the military estate. Homes pile upon themselves and try to squeeze out the streets running between them. With so many people and so many regulations, it’s quite difficult for locals and foreigners alike to gain a business foothold in its crowded streets. Even its temples seem to struggle with accommodating all the worshippers and must often run double or triple services to attend their followers. The city is, however, known for its feasts and festivals where seemingly the entire settlement gives over to celebration and food practically grows up amongst the streets as the people forget the cramped and crowded quarters for the boisterous celebrations heard all over the hills.

 

Celtic Galician House from wikipedia

Ancient stonework found around Muros. Most Calandria architecture focuses on the use of its sturdy lumber from the Caegulla Highlands

Muros

(city ~28,000 pop)

Muros is the proud old city of Calandria. One of the first settlements, there remain a few family lines who lay claim to remembrances of when booming Valencia was just another fort. Muros was originally founded on Calandria’s mainstay industry – lumber. It was the first point of production on the Ceagulla Highlands as well as being the legendary trade hub for the Northern Route. Unfortunately for Muros, the last generations have been hard. The legendary route has long since been abandoned, shifting the focus of international trade to southern Valencia. Untold years of lumber work has clear cut the area around Muros which led to a series of land slides and erosion preventing it from ever becoming arable for the city in any useful amount of time. Even its reliance for being the hub of the new lumber giant Ferrol has come under attack by the upstart Cea. But if there is one thing Muros has, and has it in droves, is history. The old streets are laid with ancient stone from the old times. The homes are a unique stone construct found nowhere else with the possible exception of Iliomar’s Folly. It’s temples are the most revered, being important points of study and worship for their seeming connection with the past as well as holding one of the original verses of the Poetic Saemundr. This reliance on history has kept foreign interests traditionally at bay, as many still look to the Muros scholars and priests as the moral and spiritual leaders of Calandria. Muros also has a proud tradition of being the birthplace of Calandrian architecture and many foreign students come to study the designs and techniques supposedly pioneered within its walls. There is a long and respectable history of engineers coming from Muros. Finally, despite the loss of farm or lumber industry, Muros has a robust animal husbandry and hunting production. They have the famed first caribou ranch as well as the largest hunting lodge in all of Calandria which claims and protects its monopoly on the Ceagulla Highlands viciously.

 

Cea

(city ~15,000)

Cea is considered Calandria’s rising star. A rather unremarkable town, Cea was a forgettable settlement on the Leyme Woods primarily serving as a stockpile and provider for the more distant Ares, Mens and Val Meyra. All this changed with the discovery of copper above Ares which brought enterprising merchants like ravens to a rotting corpse. Cea has been growing rapidly since, seeking to further expand their profits by being the kingdom’s sole point of export for Ares’ production. They have even gone so far as to enter a buyer’s race with Muros over the famous Ferrol lumber. Needless to say, this has stirred a lot of animosity in the older settlement. The merchants of Cea have also reinvigorated Mantrove’s Crossing, though the banditry has certainly cut into their hopes of great profit. But Cea’s rapid development and prosperity has brought many to its walls and it is the hottest place to be currently. This was made even more prominent with the recent establishment of both a ceilidh hall and an academy tower, giving a foothold for the bards and wizards that received chilly reception when attempting to make headway into Calandria previously.

 

Andrade

(dynastic hold, village, fishing quays, berry farms and distilleries ~5,000 pop)

Calandria’s northern most settlement, Andrade is built along and protects the legendary Northern Route. They’re one of the few to still refer to it by its old name – Nemento’s Pass – and maintain that it holds the oldest passage over the Ridgeback Mountains. No one makes the journey now, though, so verification of this claim and even confirmation where it leads is unprovided. However, it’s not Andrade’s long, proud history of independence or their own developing culture which they maintain is separate from the greater Calandria whole that the region is most famous. The thing that keeps the name of Andrade on people’s lips is its export of rich rowan wine and ale. Though the alcohol is wildly sought and appreciated, it is not the region’s number one production. The Andrade people are the largest producers of Calandria’s stockfish, caught and pulled form the ocean and dried with the frigid mountain winds along its rocky coastline. Andrade itself, however, isn’t built on the coast. The city proper is huddled around the ancestral Andrade Keep: hold and ancient focus of the dominion of the Andrade line. The Viscount is the last of his kind in the petty kingdom, holding out against the Jarls of Calandria far longer than any other rival. When he was finally brought to swear fealty it was under the solemn promise he would still be able to lord over his lands. Course, none now know exactly what these ancestral borders were so they just refer to the whole mess along the Eume and Allons rivers as Andrade and are done with it. The vast majority of its people are focused in the old walls of Andrade Keep or the village at the ocean’s mouth.

 

Mens

(village, ranches ~800 pop)

The only settlement that strikes out a living on the ice lake Iadra, Mens greatest importance is as the transition point on the lumber exchange between Ferrol and Cea. As the merchants of Cea continue their attempts to undermine their counterparts in Muros, much money has been directed to Mens in order to make it a more viable trade route for the Ferrol wood. Before its curious rise in recent prominence, Mens was a rather unremarkable fishing and shepherding village. Though they claim the fresh water fish is far tastier than what’s pulled from the marsh or ocean, the more temperate and protected Lake Iadra makes it impossible to preserve the fish through cold drying and instead the village relies on an import of expensive salt. Mens is also the only other place with any amount of wool/mutton production outside of Castrus which is focused in the southern hills between Mens and the sprawling farmlands outside Valencia.

 

Bares

(village ~2,400 pop)

Built on the edge of the marsh delta Iliomar’s Folly and the only ancient access point to the northern ocean for Calandria before the fealty of Andrade was sworn, Bares has carved a rather prominent niche in the colder northern climes. From their floating homes, the townsfolk can still plainly see the old stone walls of the failed ancient settlement that gave the marsh its name. The primary industry of the town is the prominent stockfish production, second only to Andrade itself. Unlike Andrade, Bares pulls its product from the waters of the marsh and not the ocean. The people make use of a wide variety of the marine life found in the delta. While fish is their primary export, the people are known for even eating salamander (and the infamous salamander brandy – known for its hallucinogenic and aphrodisiac properties – which is considered illegal in… well… pretty much everywhere). The abundant plants and herbs provide a unique flavouring to Bares’ often questionable cuisine but even more importantly, it is the home of some unique plants valuable for alchemical work and a lucrative export for the town. Finally, Bares has a very prominent hunting lodge and community. The members make the trek out through the Broken Spine Uplands to the wild coastline to catch deer and caribou.

 

Ferrol

(lumber village ~1,100 pop)

Many hold that this town is the fourth fort of Calandria. A rather impressive lumber trade has developed in Ferrol and the town itself impresses first time visitors expecting some rustic, northern backwater instead of a well structured and fortified settlement. The people of Ferrol pride themselves on their craft and are capable of creating many remarkable structures and monuments from the wood they harvest in the thick Ceagulla Highlands. The palisade isn’t just an impressive show of their talents, however, as it is an important barrier against the beasts that stalk the highlands. At the height of production, one of the most impressive displays is to watch the log jammers make the voyage down the Ice River Mino on the massive rolling stacks of harvested trees. Many liken it to a portable bridge spanning the entire length of the deep river and their navigation is so expert as to be almost graceful. Outside of the massive amount of wood, Ferrol also makes use of the other treasures of the Ceagulla Highlands. Medicine and alcohol is produced from the components of the trees. Leaves and branches are used to brew a mighty spruce beer and the fresh shoots are a natural and staple source of vitamin C for the townsfolk. The leaves also maintain much of the plant’s water and bundles are carried as a portable water source. The people of Ferrol have certainly earned their nickname of Tree-Eaters.

Trolltunga by Dag Endre Opedal

Typical view of the Ridgeback Mountains. Photo taken by Dag Endre Opedal of the Trolltunga.

 

Ares

(mining town ~300 pop)

Calandria’s most eastern settlement, Ares is nestled between the thick Leyme Woods and the Ridgeback. Ares has seen recent growth with the discovery of the copper veins in the nearby mountainside. Prior it had been a less productive lumber town with production focused on the softer deciduous woods than what’s found in the hardy highlands. The woods themselves are primarily elm (Leyme is the old tongue for elm) as well as aspen, birch and willow. Outside the elm, the other woods aren’t seen nearly as valuable though the aspen is used for a number of medicinal remedies throughout the petty kingdom.

 

Noya

(village, distillery, berry farms ~200 pop)

Noya would be just another unremarkable village unworthy of mention in any almanac if it weren’t for but one thing: cranberries. All along the river Cabron, travellers can find a sea of the floating red berries being harvested. A series of natural streams snaking off the Cabron create an irrigation network that allows the villagers to easily plant and grow the vines. Then, during harvest, the villagers dam the Cabron at key locations to flood the upland stretches and make gathering the floating berries easier. Then, the winter chill comes and freezes the flooded land, locking the moisture for next year’s harvest as the Cabron dams are torn down to allow the river passage once more. The recorded residents of Noya include the village proper and the berry farmers stretching up its rivers. When not harvesting the berries, most turn to illegal hunting of wild game in the highlands or trekking to Mens for fishing. Of particular note to travellers is a small brewery in Noya which is said to make an absolutely divine cranberry liqueur.

 

The Cells

(historic site)

Situated at the foot of Bandua’s Pike is an ancient site. The old ruins are from a time and people long forgotten and most of the structure has crumbled beyond recognition. It has seen a brief revival in recent times as villagers whisper morbid tales of the Countess sending ‘undesirables’ into its darkened depths to be forgotten.

 

Forts

These settlements represent the fortified corners of Calandria. They protect the old entrances to the petty kingdom. Val Meyra guards Mantrove’s Crossing, Val Vaiera the old Sarria river entrance and Val Minor the old northern route. Valencia protected the southern portion of Castrus but grew far beyond being useful as a fortification.

 

Val Minor

(garrison ~500 pop)

The smallest of Calandria’s fortification network, Val Minor would be the weak point in the armour if the natural landscape didn’t offer its own great protection. Across the rivers lie the soaring Ridgeback Mountains; a long chain far too arduous and difficult for an army to march. While many disused paths run up its side, the locals maintain that only two passages fully cross the range. Mantrove’s Crossing to the south, guarded by Val Meyra and the traditional entry into Calandria and the legendary Northern Route which has seen no use in memory and is held to be merely legend on its own. Val Minor’s most prominent service is to guard the logging route between Ferrol and Muros/Mens from wild beasts and creatures. It’s current standing force is twice as large as necessary but after the difficulties building Arosa’s Retreat, a greater show of force has been dispatched to the region.

 

Val Vaiera

(garrison ~2,000 pop)

Not typically considered important until tensions across the lake started to rise again. The neighbouring petty kingdoms have decided to test Calandria’s age old claim to the Uplands, moving people and warriors along Aluar’s coast in defiant claim of the previously ignored land. Fearing an invasion along historical lines, Jarl Brivis has been fortifying and expanding Val Vaiera and beneath the scaffolding it is turning into the region’s most impressive fortification, second only to massive Castrus itself. A sizable dock and small fleet is also being erected in the hopes to sail patrols along the Sarria and the ocean coast as an early warning to potential invasion from sea.

 

Val Meyra

(garrison ~1,200 pop)

Second most important fort as it guards the oldest road leading into Calandria. Course, with the southern connection to the Crossroads running up to Valencia, the pass sort of idled to mediocrity but laziness and tradition had kept it the grandest and most staffed fortification until the recent necessity of fortifying and expanding Val Vaiera. Mantrove’s Crossing was the traditional route which brought the most trade in and out of Calandria as it passed through the much more manageable foothills of the Ridgebacks. However, the development of the southern kingdom’s connection to the Crossroads and increase in banditry beyond Calandria’s reach has reduced the trade passing along old Mantrove.

The Petty Kingdom of Calandria

So, I’ve taken on the stupid task of running my own D&D campaign. Which probably means I’ll spend the next few months doing tons of work and then all my players will quite after three sessions. But whatever, it does give me an excuse to flesh out the world of my D&D stories (yes, it takes place in that ludicrous world) as well as give me something new and exciting to post. Now, Derek’s done such a good job with his organization and set up that I’m just going to copy his format and pass it off as my own. Don’t tell him!

I present to you, the Petty Kingdom of Calandria!

——————–

Lake Bondhus, Norway from wikipedia

Prototypical image of Calandria’s marriage between ocean and soaring mountains.

The Petty Kingdom of Calandria

Capital: Castrus

Population: ~ 150,000

Government: Petty Kingdom

Lord: Jarl Brivis Laranica and Countesses Arosa and Isorna Laranica

Exports: lumber, lumber and more lumber, alcohol, berries, stockfish, copper, meat, alchemical herbs

Imports: salt, silver, grains, iron, spices

Mention of the petty kingdom of Calandria is likely to stir images of rugged landscape, bitter and tart berries as well as a hardy people capable of weathering war and harsh winters with equal ease. Though it is but one of many petty kingdoms making up the northern shores, Calandria has stood out in its success at remaining independent as well as developing a fairly lucrative trade destination despite its northern climes. House Laranica has ruled for near four hundred years with an unbroken line that they claim dates back to the first voyages of the Lochlanach. The petty kingdom has a proud history that has seen kingdoms rise and fall around her. At times, they have proved to be key allies in securing victory.

Not that Calandria has only been passive in military excursions. The throne at Castrus was forged with blood and bone and even the most recent northern expansion saw the ancient house Andrade forced to submit to the Jarl’s will. And while Calandria may lack the army of grander kingdoms, the greatest defence for the land is the harsh ground itself. Its north is composed almost entirely of impenetrable forest and land that has proven difficult for even native Calandrians to inhabit. A ring of great forts have long kept the temperate heartland of the kingdom protected and high grade metamorphic rock forms a natural shield around the arable farms.

Despite its burgeoning economy, Calandrian lacks a direct connection to the Crossroads. It’s most travelled path to the south passes through several kingdoms before reaching the great trade network and its most ancient artery goes through the foothills of the Ridgeback Mountains to the east instead of south. This isolation has been a blessing and curse. It does retard the development of the kingdom, slowing natural growth due to the length and cost of transporting goods in and out. However, it does provide its own protection as many see the land unworthy of the risk and cost of a full invasion to force fealty from the stubborn line. This has created a relatively lengthy peace for Calandrians who focus more on surviving their cruel climate than questions of subjugation to greater crowns. As such, their isolation has allowed a certain Calandrian culture to start flowering. Some of their old ballads and songs are still kept in the old tongue, intriguing scholars and bards alike who come north to see these ancient holdovers. The mossy and low scrub grounds seems to hold even older secrets as its citizens continuously find ancient ruins half covered in the slow hand of greedy nature. Furthermore, the Calandrians are quite keen on the value of the natural resources within their borders. The endless trees are a constant source of quality wood for local use and export. The whitewood of Caegulla Highlands is considered some of the best for performance and many bards whisper that a magical energy runs through the chords to enhance their shows. And honest scholars attest to the rare plants and flowers that can be found in the grand marsh delta that feeds into the ocean – home to many unique flora with quite a few alchemical applications.

Making recent history is the Jarl’s throne itself. While the fortified walls of Castrus have been famous for being impenetrable, the capital historically has seen less prominence other than being a pivotal port on the great Lake Aluar. However, much intrigue has surrounded the current Jarl Brivis and his beautiful but terrible daughter Arosa. For the outside world, the stories are many and varied. But what seems clear enough is a mounting discontent towards a house historically quite popular with its citizens. Whispers of rebellion are carried on travellers’ lips and more than one crown has kept an attentive ear to the developments in that incredibly defensible land.

I lied, my personal cartographer made it, I just filled it in.

A map of Calandria. You can tell I made it because it’s so awful.

Geographical Features

Great Lake Aluar: Aluar dominates Calandria’s western borders. In fact, the traditional delineation runs along the broad Sirria river that feeds into the ocean. But few have hold on the northern coast of the lake and the Calandrian throne has assumed ownership through proximity. Given Aluar’s expansiveness, it has long been a large source of trade and travel well before the major roads were laid in Calandria’s interior. Most scholars theorize that the Calandrians themselves came from across the western waters, despite the people’s claims of kinship to seafaring Lochlanach. Aluar holds a thriving marine ecology and many kingdoms dip into its waters to fetch the fish and weeds which thrive beneath its surface. More than one tale tells of sunken ships, brought down by mysterious creatures in the lake, and holding untold riches in their watery hulls that have yet to be reclaimed.

Lake Iadra: Considered the jewel of Calandria, Lake Iadra is a frigid lake fed by the waters of the Ridgeback Mountains. During the coming or departing of winter, it is not unheard of to discover great bergs of ice floating down the river Mino. It’s primary function is to serve as transportation for the spruce logs from Ferrol and there are many log jammers who will make the long journey to Mens upon the rolling backs of an entire fleet of downed trees. Fresh water fish inhabit the deep blue lake, providing Mens with a robust fishing industry of its own. However, Iadra is better protected than the northern villages and Mens requires the importation of salt o preserve their stock, hampering profits and output. But the rugged beauty of the lake is not to be underestimated. So picturesque is it that Countess Arosa demanded a summer estate be built so she can enjoy the only place in the petty kingdom to rival her own majesty. However, after some conflict, the construction on the estate has halted and it sits like a bleached skeleton overlooking the tranquil waters.

The Frozen Lake of Meros: The Frozen Lake is a prominent symbol in Calandrian legend, despite the isolated body having only a recent history of discovery. For most the year, the elevated lake is near frozen over, with only a brief period at the height of the summer solstice providing enough heat to break portions of its skin to send adrift down from its mountain hideout. For the longest time, the Calandrian’s believed the ice was from the mountainsides themselves and once the lake was discovered, rumours and tales of evil sorcery and the touch of the fickle gods abound. But because of it’s near continuous cover, there seems to be little production made from its icy waters so it mostly serves as a curiosity to travellers, bards and scholars alike who are drawn by its various stories and scenic location.

Freya and Heimdall by Nils Blommer (1853-1919)

Artistic rendition of the return of a sacred necklace by Heimdallr’s hand and demonstrating Calandrian culture isn’t all bearskin and mud.

Bandua’s Pike: Once thought to be the headwaters of the Ice River Mino, Bandua’s Pike is the largest mountain in the Ridgeback. Its tip is perpetually white capped and is said to be the spear to have pierced the side of the great Aenir Heimdallr the White God and thusly forever stained with his precious blood. Course, no one is entirely sure who Bandua is suppose to be. General consensus is that he must be some mythological Vanir figure though the temples attest he is not mentioned in any of the poetics or prose. Some scholars speculate he was an ancient god of a forgotten pantheon whose only remembrance is the soaring mountain. Others claim he was a mighty local hero. The actual headwaters of the Mino turned out to be the less impressive Little Brothers which feed the Frozen Lake of Meros.

Ice River Mino: An incredibly frigid river and often featuring in the ever amusing Calandrian initiation ritual of dunking hapless travellers nude in its icy embrace, the river Mino. While neither the deepest or longest river, Mino does chart a stunning course along the edge of the Ceagulla Highlands and the Ridgeback Mountains. It serves as the lifeblood for the lumber town Ferrol which floats practically all of its lumber down its length. Many travellers attest to the spectacle of the Ferrol log jammers navigating their long charges through the rather turbulent rapids as both a testament to Calandrian fearlessness and almost peculiar grace while performing the most ridiculous tasks.

Iliomar’s Folly: Named after the legendary ruins found within, Iliomar’s Folly (often referred to as simply The Folly) is a large marsh delta that feeds into the ocean. It marks the point of connection between the ocean and Lake Aluar and the Calandrians maintain that their ancestors navigated its twisting paths when they first arrived. Home to an ancient ruin of an unknown people, the marsh is perhaps more famous for the people who occupy its border along the river Sarria. The peoples of Bares carve out a fairly lucrative living with the many plants and animals that live within as well as producing the grossly infamous Salamander Brandy.

Ceagulla Highlands: An enormous expanse of valuable pine and spruce that stretches right across the north of Calandria and the source of its valuable lumber economy. The whitewood is especially sought after for use in musical instruments as well as lavish interior panelling. The pulp is then used in paper production. But the Calandrian’s do not rely solely on the trees, finding riches in just about every aspect of the expansive highlands. Fireweed Honey made from the nectar of the fireweed plant has a distinct, spiced flavour. The traditional Coporye tea is created with the leaves of the trees. Cranberry and Cloudberry are large harvests but as they’re considered sour and tart respectively, the connotations have carried over to the world’s consideration of its people. In the more northern sections, bilberries are a major fruit harvest with their near black/purple colour and deep red, flesh staining pulp that makes it look as if it were meat. Lingonberry are bright red and have a distinct tart taste while blackberries and raspberries provide some much needed sweetness to their medleys. Juniper trees offer spice for flavouring both the numerous wild game (quail, pheasant, veal, rabbit, venison etc) hunted within as well as the basis for a robust distillery tradition. Many of these berries spoil easily, however, and remain a staple of the northern settlements with little export beyond the borders. Spoil easily and hard to keep so are mostly a staple of the northern settlements and see almost no export beyond the borders.

Broken Spine Uplands: The hunters of Bares say it’s named after the fact that they break their backs going through the rugged land to hunt the caribou in the wild north beyond but the name comes from a failed invasion along the western border of Calandria. Her enemies thinking they could launch a surprise attack upon the northern shores of Castrus found the terrain far too rugged and formidable to navigate easily. Even worse, the ruling Jarl heard word of the approaching army and set an ambush. The battle was grisly and the outcome “broke the spine” of the invader’s army and they were forced to flee, seeing House Laracina’s sovereignty for generations to come. The Broken Spine has traditionally seen little use in the lives of Calandrians who consider it traditionally part of their lands. Some hunters will stalk its interior but for the most part it is ignored for the more dense Ceagulla Highlands and serves mostly as a nuisance for the hunting parties that have to constantly trek through it.

Over the Broken Banks of Bannock Part 3

I had other plans for posting today but it’s late and now I need to put something else. I promise Friday won’t be a brush off short story post though! At the very least, I think the Bannock short is interested.

Taken from wikipedia so it's creative commons, baby!

Interior of a Moundville, Alabama general store, 1936.

The General Store was a single story building with a large sign propped over its porch. The paint had begun to peel, flaking off in large chunks that tumbled to the stoop before being picked up by the wind and carried off. Felicity counted three rusting mining carts, some leaning against the sides and another upturned at the front, all turning a brilliant shade of orange. The dim evening light transformed the rust into vibrant spatters of blood. Only one bulb had been extended to the store. The exposed light was cracked, forming little teeth that seemed to grow from the thin metal plate suspending it.

“Surely we get a good price here. We ain’t got many options left,” Laure whispered. One of the windows was half-boarded, revealing a pile of pots stacked awkwardly on the other side. The second window had its curtains drawn closed but couldn’t hide the glow of the lantern within.

Felicity looked down at the promissory note.

“Desperation could inflate prices.”

“It’s curious. The town be prosperous with its mining and investments from the magnate and yet this ain’t the only building to look worse for wear.”

“From out meeting, I ain’t gathered he’s generous of spirit. So, try and keep things civil,” Felicity cautioned. “I betting they ain’t going to appreciate you pointing out the fact.”

Laure nodded, twisting the cap on her head and consulting her list. The engineer had dressed herself in a plain brown jacket and simple baggy kneed trousers tucked into a coal stained pair of socks. She often wore the part of a youthful male who had done little than steal away on the ship of a passing captain and was pressed into feeding the fires. She rarely said much and was quite happy with tending her own within the sweltering engine.

A bell rung at their entrance, the clerk bowing his head slowly as they pushed past the barrels, axles and linens crowding the front. Felicity took to the counter.

“Evening mist… pardon me, madame. You’ve made good time. I was just preparing to close shop for the eve. But I’ve always got time for a lovely customer such as yourself. How might I assist?”

The clerk gave a wary look to the seemingly young man piling mounds of supplies into his thin arms before reaching over and adjusting the nozzle on his gas lamp and bathing the counter with its orange glow. The flames hissed with the anger of a startled snake and for a moment Felicity felt the familiar wave of heat from gunfire wash over her face before fading into the recesses of her memories.

“My colleague and I desire to stock our ship whilst we’re moored. We’re hoping you can provide.”

“Ship you say? We ain’t have many of those come through recently. Afraid it’s affected my stock some but you’re welcome to whatever I got displayed.”

“Trouble on the rails?” Felicity asked.

The clerk sighed. “Truthful, we’re too far out to draw any serious attention.”

“Then what’s keeping your lines clear?”

“We’re a small community. Don’t like stirring the pot. We rather keep our troubles to ourselves.” The clerk removed his hat, running his hand over his scraggly hair and looking towards the window as if he expected to find someone peering between the boards.

Laure stepped to the counter, depositing the pile of sheets and cloths, metal cogs and wheels, bags of dry oats and wheat, bottles of alcohol and other food stuffs before the clerk. She laid the remainder of the list before him and he held the paper close to the lamp.

“I think I can get some of this. If you’re the ship in port, I can have the bigger things delivered to you by the morrow. Is that all?”

Felicity looked to Laure who nodded. She turned back to the clerk.

“There is one thing I’ve got personal interested in. Had a spot of trouble recently myself and I’ve misplaced my gun. Would reckon a fine store as yours would carry some.”

“We’re a peaceful mining town…” He looked her over, perhaps weighing the likelihood of a hold up from this rough looking woman and her thin fellow.

“I understand but even miners got family to watch.”

The clerk seemed to weigh the situation further. And while his poor streak would no doubt make the haggling difficult, it also opened doors that may have otherwise remained closed.

“Very well.”

He motioned towards the back, casting one last glance towards the window before snatching his lantern. Felicity and Laure followed him to a padlocked door, and the clerk fumbled in search of the key in his pocket.

“We don’t got a proper selection like any fancy city or nothing,” he warned. “But if it’s just the basics, you’re welcome to peruse.”

He pushed the door open to a small supply room. He led Felicity to a counter, removing a cloth over a pile of boxes.

“Can I interest you in something small? I’ve got a couple of pistols and perhaps a six shooter.”

“Where are your rifles?”

“That’s an awful mighty weapon for a little lady,” the clerk shrugged, pulling more cloth to the floor. Dust clouded the air. Clearly there weren’t many passing through but if the shipping was on hard times it seemed reasonable for the townsfolk to try and stock up on protection. Unless whatever plagued the lines was also affecting the miners.

“Got some simple pull levers. They got a bit of a kick though. Got to watch yourself else you could throw your whole shoulder.”

“Let me see the Colt revolver.”

“That? I wouldn’t recommend…”

Felicity held out her hand and the clerk obediently fetched it from the pile. She tested the weight, holding it up and looking down its sights. She fingered the firing mechanism, feeling its resistance. She then flipped the chambers, listening to the smoothness of their revolution.

“Thing about them is they got a nasty tendency to spray.”

“Yes and chain fire in inferior models. It’s an issue with all revolving chambers. Ain’t much a problem with pistols since your arm ain’t in front for balancing,” Felicity said. “But there be times when a faster shot is worth the risk.”

“You could seriously harm yourself, little lady,” the clerk warned.

“Only because manufacturers are limited in their creativity,” Laure spoke. Though her voice was barely a whisper, it drew the attention of both merchant and buyer. Slowly, the shy engineer took the weapon from Felicity’s fingers. Much like her captain, she turned the weapon in her hands. But she wasn’t checking to see if it was in good maintenance. She was checking the parts themselves.

Laure cracked open the barrel as if she were snapping the neck of a chicken. The clerk gave a quick shout but she turned her shoulder, blocking her actions from his view. Immediately flicking a few of the retaining clasps, she popped the chamber effortlessly free. She refitted part of the loading mechanism into the vacated hold, fishing from her pockets some tools to assist with the transformation. The clerk’s shock at her disassembling quieted into fascination as both he and the captain watched her attach a support cleft to balance the chamber allowing it to stick up from the top instead of hang below by the trigger hand.

“Eh, what are you on about there?”

“It’s such a simple design oversight,” Laure said. “You got your chamber set too low in the butt. Raise the firing mechanism and you won’t have your arm in danger. Like so.”

She held it up for the clerk.

“It work?”

“Not currently. It will once I have proper time to rejig with the new elevation. Ain’t nothing fancy and obstructs the vision if you ain’t used to it but hardly worth abandoning the principle. You can keep her faster fire and not burn your fingers.”

“Well, saddle me up to a may waggon and drive me about the pole,” the clerk said, looking over the device. “I don’t believe I ever seen such a thing.”

“No doubt,” Laure said. “Though it ain’t the first I’ve fashioned. How much you charging?”

“That runs about twenty I think.”

Laure shook her head.

“For a faulty design I got to fix before its got any use? I ain’t buying. You get her down to twelve and I may reconsider.”

“Twelve!” The clerk shook his head. “Excuse me but that’s nowhere near reasonable!”

“Very well.”

It happened too fast for the clerk or Felicity to follow. Laure’s fingers flashed over the makeshift fastener and the whole top portion of the gun seemed to fall into its constituent components. She rained the pieces upon the small table in a confounding pile and began to make her way towards the supplies left on the front counter.

Felicity watched the clerk stoop over the parts, tentatively taking one of the pieces and pressing it against the barrel as if the Lord’s will alone would fuse them together. He poked and prodded, trying to separate them into some sort of recognizable mess. After a few moments, it was clear he had no idea how to refashion the weapon into its original state.

And Felicity smiled.

“Wait!” the clerk called. Laure paused, the supplies piled in her arms. The clerk looked between the two woman who watched him expectantly. “You raise an excellent point. Quite unfair of me to not consider the value of your time in working with these fine pieces. Surely it worth… about sixteen? In its current state?”

“Awfully steep price for a gun that don’t fire,” Felicity said. She paused, her eyes roaming over the small pile of weapons. “I tell you what, you throw in that fine looking knife you got there and I think I could do about fourteen.”

The clerk ground his teeth and Felicity waited while he mulled over his options. With reluctance, he snatched the dagger, scooped the mechanical parts into his hand and carried the gun to the front.

“Shall I bundle it for you?”

“She’s as fine as the day she were born,” Felicity smiled. “I’ll pay for this now and the rest of my order once it’s delivered. I believe this should do nicely for the moment.”

She produced the promissory note and slid it across the counter. The clerk picked it up and held it to the lantern. His eyes widened.

“It is true then?”

“Pardon me?”

The clerk lowered the note, looking over the two women.

“You got the bandit? That Hopkins fellow? I hardly dared hope… what even with sir Nicolai coming to town and all…”

“I gather Mr. Nicolai ain’t one for parting with money easily,” Felicity said. “But yes, we got him.”

“Oh Lord’s blessings upon you!” the clerk sighed. An unexpected change washed over him and his face slid into a look of adoration. “Bless the both of you. I assure you, I will make sure to have your supplies to you by the morrow. I’ll even give you a discount for the service you’ve done this community!”

Felicity looked at Laure who simply shrugged.

“Not that I ain’t appreciative of your hospitality,” Felicity said, “but what exactly we done for your fair town?”

The clerk shook his head.

“That Hopkins… a right old villain he was. For months now, our shipments from port have been getting knocked just days from here. Old Bartholomew was saying that there’s been skimming from the mines but none of us took him seriously until every single one of the trains got hit. Seemed clear someone’s been cutting into our work. And it was doing wonders against our prosperity.”

The clerk turned to the window, walking over this time to draw open the curtain and hold his lantern aloft. He looked up and down the street before being satisfied enough to draw the curtains closed again and return to the waiting women. He leaned in close, his voice dropping low.

“Many been whispering it was an inside job, see. Lots of gossip in the streets that the Hopkins fellow was paying off some members to learn about them shipments and to make sure a blind eye was turned. But those trains weren’t just for taking our ore. When they returned, they brought the supplies we needed to support ourselves. That line’s the foundation of our town and Magnate Nicolai’s got full command of it. He makes sure none else come through. Without ore, we got nothing. With each shipment threatened, the magnate stopped ordering them altogether. No shipments means no goods for me and no pay for the miners. We’re broken.”

“Who’s been tipping off Hopkins then?” Felicity asked.

The clerk twisted his lips but shook his head.

“Can’t rightly say. Don’t know who would throw in with the untamed. All I know is the sheriff and his boys don’t appreciate too much talk on the matter.”

“Why is that?” Laure asked.

“Well, there are some who’ve never liked Plummer. Came in when the town was still struggling with its savages. Rode in bright as the day with that gang of his. They were suppose to be some steady shots. Ended up getting quite a few of the skinner’s heads for the magnate. Got appointment to office but he’s a hard man to follow. Order of the law ain’t his speciality if you catch my drift. Lots have been talking about his penchant for fancy suits, especially the newer ones he manages while the rest of the town’s been blanching beneath the drought. But then, from what I’ve been hearing, the magnate’s been sending him more to see that Hopkins gets caught right quick. I can’t rightly say I’ve seen the sheriff’s gang getting bigger so that money’s going somewhere.”

“Guessing he’s not one to take criticism lightly,” Felicity asked.

“You met him then?”

“Briefly. I ain’t saying he left a good impression.”

“Well, now that the ore’s been found, I’m sure things’ll pick up again,” the clerk smiled. “Like I said, you’ve done us a service, ma’am. One ain’t none of us can pay you proper for.”

“It was my pleasure,” Felicity smiled.

She gave a tip of her brim before motioning Laure out the door, clutching the core of her new rifle and carrying the rest of the pieces in her hand.

“I don’t recall you returning with any ore after catching Hopkins,” Laure said.

“We ain’t,” Felicity replied. “But more importantly, I ain’t reckoning I’ve ever seen this trick you’ve done with the rifle!”

And for the first time, the engineer blushed, turning her face to look across the street.

“It was nothing.”

“Was a damn fine play,” Felicity laughed. “I should get you to do more of my haggling. I’ll see to it that your next pay reflects it.”

“As I said, it was really nothing.”

“Well, don’t get none too excited. I ain’t picked it up yet. Unless the promissory will do you?”

“Honestly, I could use a new primer for the ignition more than any thing else.”

“You get this beauty fixed up,” Felicity said, patting her new gun, “and I’ll get you a whole stock of primers you can build a new bed from.”

 

Over the Broken Banks of Bannock Part 2

Well, the plan was to do a small rant on people and design as well as make off-handed mention to Felicia. Then I spent several hours going through and doing organizational work on the photos we upload to this site and suddenly I lost all time to make a real post. So here is part two of the Bannock short.

old bank

Old Citizens State Bank building 1907.

The man waved his white glove. Once each had entered, the dreadful squeal began again and Felicity turned to see a dark complexioned man in a very plain suit working feverishly at a large metal wheel. Sweat beaded his forehead as he cranked the device running up the side of the wall to the heavy hinges upon the door.

“Necessary precaution,” their host explained. “Come, we speak in my office.”

“Likely ensorcelled,” Schroeder whispered. Felicity examined the parts carefully as she passed but saw neither glyph nor mystic adornment attached to the cold steel.

Their host led them through polished doors and along expensive carpets. Gas lanterns hissed on the walls within copper braziers. Spaced between them were exquisite paintings the likes of which had no business being on the frontier. Expensive old world furniture was imported along with Jader porcelain placed on marble pedestals or polished mahogany tables. Brass handles finally opened into an impressive study. A green velvet high back chair faced a small semi-circle of plain wood chairs carved by less experienced hands. The desk was grand, incorporating old designs of the Lord’s resplendent aspects standing triumphantly over twisted untamed with anguished, bestial faces. Thick curtains framed the large window letting in what light still crept over the grand mound outside and casting the stained wood walls in a soft, reddish glow.

A few potted ferns filled the corners but what drew the greatest attention were the two men seated patiently before the desk.

They stood immediately at the older man’s entrance. The first was the sheriff. A large man with a grandiose belly barely contained within his tucked shirt. His pants were pulled well above his burgeoning gut held by a thick belt and bright gleaming clasp that shimmered in the dim sun. He wore uncharacteristically fancy pin stripped pants, a rubbed leather jacket, a gleaming gold star badge and magnificently polished boots. A silver pistol shimmered at his side.

“About time you got here,” he started, his voice heavy with anxiety. But he drew short of further protestations as Schroeder pulled the bound man into the office.

“That is him then?”

The third member hardly spoke above a whisper. No greater contrast could he make compared to Sheriff Plummer. The man wore a simple boiled stripped shirt tucked into riding pants flecked with dirt from the trail. He was a tall man but thin. His face was half concealed in a grand moustache that curled down to his jawline. A pair of gauntlet gloves covered his hands, the fingers worn from use and the wide cuffs stained with sweat. A fearsome rifle was slung over his back and a simple silver pin on his lapel identified him as a Ranger.

“Hide and hair,” Felicity said. She gestured and Schroeder held the cord out to the Ranger.

Their escort rounded on the large chair, pulling it aside and easing into it. He reached for a pipe resting upon the top, lifting it to his teeth as he produced a small match to reignite the cold herbs. He puffed a few breaths before expelling a soft cloud from his lips that encircled his head.

“Please, draw a seat,” their host said, waving at the chairs. “I wish to gather the measure of my heroes before concluding our business.”

Bernhard Nicolai conducted himself with the grandiose airs one would expect from a magnate. His suit was of impeccable quality, and one certainly worthy of Schroeder’s envy. All imported silk from the western colonies but designed and fitted with the precision of eastern craftsmen. Lavish breast kerchiefs stuck from his pocket, a small rainbow of complimentary colours in rich blue, purple and yellow. He wore a brightly patterned ascot running beneath the lapels of his coat. His sideburns covered the length of his chin, tapering to two separate points on either side of his jaw. They were slightly curly and dusted white from his ascending years. But the moustache poised and greased between was as brown and lively as a man nearly half the magnate’s age.

And his dark brown eyes held an energy and fire hardly seen in even the wildest outlaws. This was no aged gentleman used to cozy meetings and deals forged by pen instead of a gun. This was a man who made and created his empire on the frontier and the signs of slothfulness were more badges of his success than hints at a deteriorating state.

Beneath those brows burned a fury that never crept to his lips.

“Please, Henry Plummer, Ranger Hayes, have a seat.”

The Ranger pulled the outlaw to his side. Hopkins simply stood with head lowered as no chair remained for him. In the shadow of the mound, he appeared as little more than a misbehaving slave brought before his master for reprimand.

“It is a pity it come to this,” Nicolai said. “This situation never needed escalation. I invested too much into this enterprise to let such… disturbance ruin it.”

He paused, letting his genteel disgust weigh upon the gathered.

It was, of course, the sheriff who broke first.

“I told you, sir, if I only had-”

“Yes, I am well aware of your requests,” Nicolai interrupted. So quick had his earlier joviality disappeared. “But for all my money I sent in tracking this villain, your progress never made any headway.”

“Sir, the wasteland is a large expanse and…”

“Silence!”

He needn’t say anymore and the sheriff took his peace. A few more puffs of smoke encircled the older man’s head.

“If it would please you, Mr. Nicolai, I’d like to see this ruffian down to the jails,” Hayes drawled. “Must have him prepared for the trial.”

Nicolai turned slowly to the Ranger.

“And then there is you, Mr. Hayes. When I requested assistance of the Rangers, I expected results. Your band is suppose to be the best on the plains. And yet, the first of your order seemed to vanish in so much smoke and…”

“Yes, I am well aware. I continue to invest-”

“Please do not interrupt me again.”

Chilly was his response that even the hardened Hayes grew still. He gave a deferential bow of his head to the magnate.

“You turned up nicht. Nothing! I do not pay the Rangers to post wanted posters. I have many people who can. I expected results and I get but middle men.”

Ranger Hayes cleared his throat.

“The Rangers see that results get done,” he grumbled. “Even if that requires the aid of outsiders.”

“Come, take a look from my window,” Nicolai said, motioning with his pipe. The Ranger raised a brow but obliged. The pair looked at the grand mound lit with the dark red of the retreating sun slinking behind its edge.

“You see this. This town I forged with blood and steel. Before, this was nothing more than a small outpost supplying troops on the furthest lines.”

The pipe encircled the furthest edges of the township and the separate wooden compound half decaying into ruin. What had once housed soldiers, horses and supplies had long been purchased and turned into warehouses supporting the nearby town.

“But then a soldier stumble upon a magnificent discovery when climbing the Mound. You know what he thought, Mr. Hayes?”

“Why they ain’t build their fort on top?”

“Yes, precisely,” Nicolai smiled. “Why set an outpost at the base when you can’t see around. Half the day you are covered in shadow. Well, climbing its top, he found silver rock sticking from the ground as if dropped by flying birds. The soldier reckons he found a silver seam. He thinks he will be rich. But a soldier can’t afford to mine and he requests money and supplies. And do you know who gave those to him?”

“I be guessing it’s you, sir.”

“That’s right. I give the soldier his supplies so he could dig before the one who requested the outpost here. But yet neither sit in this office.

“You see, he found not silver in the earth. He found tin. But tin is not as valuable. Not as easy to find buyers. So, I find them for him. And you know what they say to me? That this not tin. This is wolframite. Do you know what wolframite is, Ranger?”

“I don’t, no.”

“Neither does the soldier. So, I tell him tin not as valuable but I will buy rights from him for more than it is worth. I assure him that I can turn decent profit if I build my own line but that it is not profit if I must split it. Which is true. He accepts and is happy with my price. He gets money and I get mine. And with mine, I get wolframite.

“For rocks are not good as they are. Rocks have more to them. You can look at a stone and see only so much on its surface. But those with keen eyes can find value where others can not. From wolframite you can get what mechanists call tungsten. And they are very happy with it. I have built this town from it. Those lights burn with it. This building is reinforced with it. It has many uses. And that is what makes it valuable. Even more valuable than silver. Now you know why this city built on steel.

“But there is another reason the soldiers build not on the Mound. And that is because the savages revere it. They think nonsense that it houses one of their great spirits. They grow angry that I come and take its wealth; wealth that belongs to their god. They attack my workers as they build my line and my mine.

“And now you know why this city is built on blood. They would not sell their Mound. So I am left with no other recourse than the sword.

“You see, not once did I pass on my responsibility. When the tin needed selling, I sold it. When the ore needed mining, I mined it. When the town needed defending, I defended it. Do you get my point?”

Ranger Hayes gave the magnate a bored look and nodded his head placating. Nicolai smiled, patted the man on the back, then walked to his desk. He picked up a letter opener, his smile never changing. Then he circled the desk and jammed the object square into Hopkin’s wounded shoulder.

The outlaw gave a great cry, falling to his knees and the Ranger shouted as he hurried to his side.

Nicolai simply tightened his grip around the letter opener, twisting it for one final scream from the outlaw and retracting it while wiping its edge with one of his kerchiefs.

“I do not appreciate those who steal from me,” he said. “You can tell your boss that I only pay half price for a half job. I will not be cheated by thieves or louts. Now go, and do your half job.”

Ranger Hayes stood with a terrible rage in his eyes. But he said nothing as he pulled the outlaw to his feet. They excused themselves and Nicolai rounded on the sheriff, his letter opener still in his hand.

“We are done.”

The sheriff stammered an apology and acknowledgement, getting to his feet and hurrying after the Ranger. Nicolai watched him with darkened eyes, never turning away until his study door closed behind them.

Then he finally regarded Felicity, his warm smile returning like a dawning sun.

“Now, to our business.”

“We just aim to be paid,” Felicity said.

“Yes, I know your kind well.”

He searched his bureau, pulling out a sheet of paper and dipping his quill into a sleek ink pot. As the tip scratched across the surface, he spoke though his eyes never left the note, “There is much to be learned in business, and not just the value of stone. Quality never depreciates in value. And one can always find a use for something of value even if others fail to recognize it themselves.”

Nicolai looked up, holding the slip for Felicity. She crossed the plush carpet to pick the note from his fingers. Written in impeccable script was a promissory for her services to be exchanged at the constabulary and through trade goods produced in the town. Nicolai’s signature drew elegantly across the bottom, framing the seal that made the document official.

“Much appreciated, sir.” Felicity added the last after a moment’s hesitation.

Nicolai leaned back, clutching his pipe and puffing a few clouds into the air.

“I do not begrudge you, fair hunter,” he said. “You perform your duty. Unlike the others, that money is well spent. It gets results and I care not how they achieved.”

He sighed, looking out the window for a moment.

“Competition breeds strength. While others may not notice, many tracks come to Bannock. Not all of them finished. Not all of them mine. Many have seen value in the Mound. It takes dirty hands to reap a harvest.”

He thrummed his fingers against the desk as if he were weighing some deeper consideration.

“By your leave, sir, I’d appreciate the chance to bear witness to Hopkin’s trial,” Felicity said.

Nicolai looked at her, his expression blank.

“You two have history?”

“Ain’t more than what it took to get him,” Felicity said. “Came at much a price I ain’t enjoy paying. And your generosity don’t cover some losses. I like to see my work to the end, sir, and there’s some satisfaction in seeing justice run its course. In my profession, it often to my benefit to know a job’s right and done.”

Nicolai nodded slowly.

“Very good. I will arrange your ship to harbour.”

“Thank you, sir.”

It is Winter Out There

In case it has not already been mentioned, we live in Canada. As such we are privilege to observe and enjoy a wide variety of weather. We also spend a great deal of time talking about the weather – it is a fascinating subject.

Picture taken from our back patio door of the ice storm that came through about a month ago. It was pretty and deadly in its own special way.

Picture taken from our back patio door of the ice storm that came through about a month ago. It was pretty and deadly in its own special way.

Currently it is winter in the northern hemisphere. And for Canada that means snow, ice and cold temperatures. Now, I know there are places in this country with colder temperatures, with more snow, with a greater claim to winter than where I sit. But I must note that a high of -22 C with added win-chill is not bad. Blue skies and a white layer of pretty snow makes for a lovely landscape. The frosty air is chill enough to cause damage to skin if left exposed for any length of time. And it is going to be properly cold for much of this week. This is winter and I am delighted to have it.

What I truly don’t understand are the people who spend all their time complaining about the weather. What else do you expect at this time of year? Granted we might be a smidgen below seasonal. Still, it is not like we are exposed to spring rains in January – that would be a tragedy. Not only do people complain that it is too cold now (so cold we don’t have to worry about snow and the roads are great for driving), but they will then complain we have too much snow (gosh, you need to use a shovel in the middle of winter!) or that we have freezing rain (which is a sad complication of warmer temperatures – see colder is better). Come spring these same individuals will certainly criticize the rain, the soggy ground and the inevitable flooding. Summer is too hot, too dry (sometimes too wet with thunderstorms) and autumn brings the hurricanes and tornadoes. Really, just think of all the fuel for conversation we have just living in a country blessed with four distinct and creative seasons. Does the frigid, white winter make the sultry, sunny summer all the more pleasing?

Yup, I love living in a part of the country touched by weather – even the current cold.

*Also, I confess I have absolutely nothing else to post about. I work (which is dull to write about). The books I have read most recently have been good (neither praise-worthy nor rant inducing).

We Made It After All

mary

So, the more observant amongst us may have noticed some changes happening to somewherepostculture.com, and I don’t mean that Derek has finally crawled from his cave to scribble on some wall for us. That is a change, however, and I would like to take a moment to properly celebrate it.

No, what I mean to draw attention to is that some of our older posts have been undergoing revisions. Now, before you get too excited, these aren’t a byproduct of us editing our work and bringing it up to an actually decent level of standards. They’re still silly nonsense that spawned from our heads. No, the images which we supplement our work have been receiving an overhaul and that’s because of one important reason.

Someone out there is watching and reading our content!

In plain English, we’ve received a Cease and Desist from some unnamed entity which exists in some nebulous place in the real world and isn’t a fan of us using their content despite our best efforts to source it. Which now makes me wonder if poor Mary Tyler above is violating some archaic sense of copyright. Course, she’s still alive so she doesn’t exist in the bizarro realm which the likes of Mickey Mouse now inhabit. Thus, we now endeavour to use only creative common images wherever we can. Copyright is, however, a tricky sort of business and thus mistakes are likely to happen. For that, we apologize and if we have any outstanding issues it’s not through willful disobedience or rebellion and more likely our failure to spot it.

The take away message here is that someone has read our site. Even if it was briefly to see where their image was being accessed. Out there, someone cares and they care enough to send us a semi-official looking legal document.

In its stead, I know I’m going to try and expose you, cherished reader, to the ocean of classic art and painting that has formulated and directed the development of visual arts. I don’t do this because I have any deeper knowledge of what I shall link and am mostly doing it because I know no one owns anything pre-1930. That said, I have a new appreciation for the development of art after my brief sojourns abroad and hopefully some things of value can be discovered and enjoyed instead of being locked behind some stuffy museum or art gallery that few of us would ever attend.

Course, since I mostly produce speculative fiction, some of the work I supplement my own with may not have relevance that is immediately understandable. I just want you to know, dedicated reader, that I put as much time and effort into finding just the right portrait or painting to match the care and effort I put into my work.

So keep coming back to enjoy the musings, writings and visual treats of such greats as Derek Gingrich, Kait McFadyen and Horace Vernet.

Ranting Ranters Rant

So, Derek informed me that I haven’t made a rant on the blog for over two months. Two months! The poor rant tag is likely wallowing in self-pity and neglect. This was an injustice I could not ignore so vowed today I would rant about something… anything! Nothing would be safe from my disgruntled attitudes and opinionated opinions.

rant_6178029_lrg

Ripped from planetminecraft.com which makes me think this is either clip-art or pulled from some anonymous source on the Internet. Sorry to the original artist.

Except there was one problem – I didn’t particularly have anything to rant about. I haven’t really seen anything disappointing or worth evaluating, much like my colleague (with the sole exception of the new Archer episode but I don’t feel I could get a full blog post from that). What little media I’ve consumed has been passable. Some of it has even been acceptable. Community started it’s fifth season and they came up with both a reasonable explanation to bring the gang back to college but also introduced enough changes to make the series seem fresh again. They also pointed out a number of the issues I had with the series and hopefully they will address them in future episodes. We also got the return of Starburns which suggests that some of the problems plaguing development have been smoothed over.

Sherlock (the BBC one) has come back. They had that messy Moriarty issue to deal with and did it fine. The episode was rather mediocre by the end but they were trying to both address Conan Doyle’s clumsy attempt to kill the protagonist and bring him back in one of the most famous instances of writer’s guilt and retconning. On top of that they had their own bungling of the source material and asinine modern introductions to try and sweep through as well. All in all, the episode seemed to convey “We screwed up and this is us sorting house.” Though the ending did seem to tease another super villain which, if true, will probably ruin the show. Sherlock is, much like his regular incarnation, best suited when he’s dealing with one off adventures than any silly contrived super plot from mega-villains.

I haven’t seen Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit yet and that might not happen for another week so my blood hasn’t boiled over that inevitable coalescence of Hollywood subsidized stupidity. On the gaming side, I’ve been playing mostly Dota 2 and Civilization V both of which are in a good point developmentally speaking. Civilization released a second expansion I finally got my hands on which seems to have added some much needed complexity and depth to its mechanics with the introduction of trade routes and a new World Congress. More importantly, they fixed whatever coding issues made the damnable game take upwards of ten or fifteen minutes to load which is what murdered what interest I had in the title.

Needless to say I was having a bit of a quandary. Then, as I was taking a shower (I do my best thinking there, don’t you know), I realized I could probably ramble on a good long while about television and its narrative structures and how they could potentially be influencing other media. I had a really good argument that would focus on the required nebulous concepts and maintenance of status quo in television series in order to maintain an indefinite development cycle to keep its production employed. I wanted to then extend how these techniques have been bleeding into other mediums like novels with their focus on long, convoluted epics that don’t seem to really go anywhere as well as film and their need for trilogies. I would then elegantly tie it up with franchising in video games, possibly using the always apt and applicable trainwreck of BioWare’s Dragon Age series which is always a great example of everything that’s wrong with narratives and the industry.

I was going to begin that discussion on the foundation that, of all the new media available to the modern consumer, television is the worst cognitively speaking because of its passive consumption with its audience. Due to my scientific and  psychological  background, I was going to draw on brain activations and mental health as a quick way to demonstrate televisions deleterious effects.

And then I couldn’t find my sources.

You see, we at somewherepostculture try to maintain an air of professionalism. We often fail, bumble or come up short but the effort is put forward. I didn’t want to just blindly throw out the statement that “television consumption is a cognitively lazy leisure activity that encourages its viewer to sit and vegetate instead of engage with its product” without having some fancy dude in a lab coat to have crunched some numbers to support that statement. Now, this statement is practically common knowledge at this point and I figured it would be a quick search through the old Google search bar.

Three hours later and the best I had were a handful of articles on  sedentary  living and its effects on the development of children’s Theory of Mind.

So, instead of a rant on television, you’re now getting a rant on the commodification of knowledge.

Seriously, I can’t think of a greater sin we can commit in the modern age than to lock away knowledge and theory behind pay walls. The development of the Internet is perhaps the greatest invention of our time capable of revolutionizing the way we view and deal with in information. We have seen its sporadic and unpredictable effects through our lives. There’s the growing focus on the personal lives of the average individual – Facebook and Twitter practically replacing much regular socialization amongst peers as well as becoming its own entertainment. Nations are finding the free flow of information incredibly difficult to dam. The riots and rebellions in the Middle East often take to social networks to organize and spread their message. Australia has tried to control the access of certain irreputable material with about as much success as they have from preventing foreign flora and fauna getting introduced to their backwards country. Edward Snowden revealed the global monitoring and surveillance of the American Government on such a scale that would make even George Orwell blush.

And our universities – states of higher education and progressive thought – first order of business is to try and hide their studies and research behind strong armed publishing arms looking to try and make a buck off the advancement of knowledge. Because, apparently, we as a society still haven’t learned the value in education and must insure only the wealthiest or the most willing to be  indebted for the rest of their lives like some rejuvenated medieval serf system are worthy of said knowledge.

This is in the face of rampant misinformation and lies. When an agency like Fox News can boldly throw up outright fabrications and avoid any persecution because they self stylize themselves as an entertainment outlet and not a news agency then we know something is wrong. American right-wing politics is practically composed of a body engaged in a competition amongst themselves to look the most ignorant and out of touch with reality.

Sorry – I generally don’t try and bring any big political elements into this blog.

The fact of the matter is, after the invention of the Internet no one knew what the hell to do with it. The common person takes it grossly for granted. I know, because I was one of those people. Course, being in Canada gives me and my colleagues a unique perspective in that our Internet providers practically run a monopoly on their service and offer such ludicrous deals to the average customer that you can find better service in airplanes than you can in Canadian homes. But, I’m not going to make a grand call of action and demand we storm parliament hill for change. I mean, if you want to then go right ahead. But it’s cold outside and the cost of gas is so high right now.

No, instead I’ll probably write a story about it. A story inspired by how stupidly difficult it is to find a source to demonstrate that television makes us really lazy.