Here at somewherepostculture.com, we aim to bring you only the most relevant, up-to-date information and opinions. Which is why I’m going to do my review today on Frozen. You know this movie, everyone does. It came out last Thanksgiving and when I saw the trailer I thought to myself “Hey, here’s a movie that looks stupid and filled with annoying characters!”

And boy, was I right.

So, yeah. Most people who are likely to read this are already going to hate my opinion. I, of course, hate everything so clearly I don’t know what I’m talking about, right? But I would be complaining about either Frozen or X-men and I have it on good authority that the latter is going to be dealt with shortly.

Now, the reasonable question to ask would be, “Kevin, if you thought this movie looked terrible then why did you see it?” Well, my imaginary conversational partner, it was almost under duress that I watched this movie. If you don’t share this delightful space under this rock with me then you will be aware that Frozen is Disney’s highest grossing movie. Ever. It’s incredibly popular. Everyone who has seen it raves about how good it is. I was told, repeatedly, that it was better than Tangled (which I also didn’t like but felt part of that was due to excessive hype – the other half was due to it being an unfinished story stretched way too long) and was probably Disney’s best modern movie. Hell, it’s been likened as the benchmark for a new ‘Golden Age’ of Disney movies.

If you are one of these believers, you’re probably best of skipping the rest of this rant. If, however, you do want something a little more from our entertainment and are like me then there is value in criticism. Creating echo chambers that serve solely to feed self congratulations does not improve our art. As artists it is our responsibility to constantly strive for improvement and learn to hone our craft. Part of this is listening to the dissenters and asking if their complaints are valid.

And I can guarantee you that my complaints are very valid.

Let me get this out there. Frozen is one of Disney’s worst recent ventures. I didn’t like Tangled but on any metric for the valuation of a movie it was far better than Frozen. I’ll state my biases now – as a writer I am most concerned with plot, narrative, characters, theme and tone. This is where I focus my attention and critiques. If you’re someone who doesn’t think story is important – then get off my blog because I’ve iterated numerous times how narratives and stories are the most important aspect in artistic expression.

Alright, now that I’ve chased most people away, I’m not going to do my normal routine. Frozen is broken on nearly every level with so much inconsistency and contradicting ideas. There are so many problems with this story that I don’t understand how it’s received all this praise. Chief amongst its failings is being an hour and a half of zero conflict. Characters constantly spout problems which are neither shown or addressed. The primary issue of the story stems ultimately from bad parenting and terrible medical advice.

But let’s use an example. The major conflict in the movie revolves around Elsa and her ability to conjure snow and ice. When an accident occurs while her and her sister Anna are playing as children, her parents break into a front hall to find that Elsa accidentally struck Anna in the forehead with an icicle. To remind those that have seen the movie, the foyer is at this moment filled with hills of snow and mounds of ice. The parents first reaction to entering isn’t wonder over seeing all this snow inside but worry over their daughter injured in the middle of it. What does this tell us? They are well aware of sorcery and that Elsa controls it. They immediately whisk the two girls to seek the medical consultation of the trolls who just… well… troll them and tell the worried parents to lock Elsa up and never speak of this event again. Staff must be fired and somehow this must become a secret… for reasons. We’re later introduced to the idea that magic is considered an abomination.

But never once has there been any indication from ANYONE that this is the case. The staff never expressed concern (and they certainly would know what is going on when they have to clean all that ice and snow out the front door). Never once do we get an explanation for why people don’t like magic and we never had any concern from the king and queen until they spoke to a bunch of talking rocks.

Instead of doing an entire review of the movie and how it’s ultimately about nothing, instead I’m going to focus on review its award winning musical number ‘Let it Go.’ Fortunately, for me, Disney has been kind enough to upload the sequence on youtube. Please, enjoy the number for a moment. Don’t worry, I have lots to discuss on it.

Click Me!

Nice, uplifting song, right? Makes you feel empowered and sympathize with Elsa, doesn’t it?

Well, here’s the thing. This sequence is terrible. But I think it really helps highlight my sense that this movie passed through three or four different hands all trying to take it in vastly different directions. Watch it again and pay attention to the interplay between visuals and lyrics. Keep in mind the context – this is the moment Elsa has fled the kingdom after unintentionally revealing her magic powers and basically must give up on everything she knew because of a slip-up.

While you watch it again, I’d like to take a moment to highlight important details. Don’t worry, I’ll time stamp them.

1:00 – Elsa Tosses Glove

I want to take a moment and really highlight the time stamp. My first comment on this number occurs at one minute. One minute! This is a three and a half minute song. I need to ask, what has happened in nearly one third of the musical number?

Absolutely nothing. We’ve just had over fifty seconds of Elsa standing on a snowy hill singing. Here’s a thing about movies, their adaptations are almost universally considered worse than their book sources. The challenge with movies is you are working within a very tight time constraint. A children’s movie is even more constrained as they almost always last for an hour and a half since their target audience can’t concentrate that long. In the case of Frozen, the creators admit that they desired to have a scene explaining how Elsa got magic but had to cut it due to time constraints.

And yet we’ve wasted an entire minute already with absolutely nothing happening in that time. The significant action in this moment is Elsa tossing her glove to the wind – a symbol of her shedding the restraint and control forced upon her by her parents and the expectations of her station as the next in line for the throne. That is an important symbol to use. Unfortunately, this moment really lacks any impact. One big reason is that it’s not the only time in this song that Elsa symbolically discards the responsibilities and constraints placed upon her by society. This brings me to:

1:28 – Elsa Tosses Cloak

After almost thirty seconds of creating pretty snowflakes (presumably to demonstrate that she still has the power to make ice and snow which is really unremarkable given that the movie OPENS with Elsa creating a far more complex and spectacular winter landscape when she was half her age) Elsa loosens and discards her cloak. Once again, here is a symbol of her abdicating her responsibility for leadership as this was part of her coronation ensemble. This symbolic moment really serves no further purpose than the glove and the audience is still just watching this bobble-headed girl warbling on the world’s most blandest mountain top while she spins in circles.

2:08 – Elsa Creates a Staircase

Seriously, what is the obsession with staircases in this movie? Is it because the creators made Tangled and were really annoyed that they had to replace them with Rapunzel’s luscious golden locks that they’re over-compensating. The number of times action occurs on stairs in this movie is ridiculous. More specifically, I want to highlight that this is the first big “action” moment of the song. Elsa is faced with a gaping chasm and must cross. She creates a rather icy and unremarkable half bridge to start then bolts up it, refining it with her touch into an incredibly bland and boring modern design.

Take particular note of the lyrics, however. Throughout this song (and the whole movie in fact) the characters sing using common imagery. This almost never aligns with what’s actually happening in the song. At this moment, Elsa is saying she is “one with the wind and sky” and yet, there is no wind. In fact, what little wind there was at the start of this number has completely died. She’s hardly one with the sky, either, as she’s still surrounded by a mountain and standing on some stupid ice staircase.

2:17 – Elsa Heel Stomps

This is the song’s one good moment. Here is the only time the lyrics and the action actually align. Elsa cries “Here I stand!” and slams her foot down on the ground creating a stylistic snowflake. It’s probably the song’s most powerful moment too as it combines what’s happening on the screen with the audio. Idina’s delivery conveys the emotional punch of her finally taking a stand against perpetuating the charade she’s been doing all her life and all this is demonstrated emotionally, visually and audibly.

But this happens more than halfway through the song. Two minutes and seventeen second and only now the song is actually accomplishing anything. We’ve wasted so much time on nothing for this small emotional reward. It’s not enough.

3:09 – Elsa “Magics” Her Shirt Away

This just pisses me off. This is the sort of laziness that drives me crazy. After creating the world’s blandest ice castle, Elsa covers herself in ice to create a new wardrobe and her shirt “magically” disappears. Yet, the only established power Elsa has is that she can create ice and snow. What are we to assume – the ice just gobbled up the material? Where did it go?! This is the sort of error which fractures the sense of world verisimilitude. And it’s done for no other reason than to sex up the character. Who looks like a blow-up doll in the first place. I also hate her stupid turquoise slip dress.

But I want to take a moment to highlight the castle and chandelier which take far more importance during this than the moment when Elsa tosses her crown away (moment three of discarding past responsibilities). The visual design they have of this tower and it’s accouterments is so boring. This is the Imagination Studio, or whatever Disney is calling their movie making department. This is suppose to be the greatest artists they can hire. And they make the least inspiring tower I have ever seen. This thing is just boring. Later, we find it’s mostly a few platforms and a curving staircase (mhmmm staircases). Seriously, if I was an artist and this was the best I could come up with for a winter palace, I’d be embarrassed. I’m sure I could search deviantart for a better design.

Queue the rest of the song with Elsa’s stupid sashaying dance as she flap her arms onto the balcony as though she’s a spring chick trying to fly from the nest. Her final lines “Let the storm rage on” once more highlights this complete and utter disconnect between lyrics and visuals. There isn’t the slightest hint of a storm here.

It’s like the creators don’t even care.

Now, I don’t believe that criticism alone is the best way to encourage improvement. It is one thing to point out flaws and yet another to correct them. So, for this final part of my review, I’m going to describe to you how I would have directed this three and a half minutes.

0:00 – Elsa Struggles Against a Blizzard

Open the damn song with some conflict. Elsa is in emotional turmoil – show it. Have a blizzard on the mountain and she’s fighting against it to escape the troubles behind her. This blizzard is not natural – it’s the unconscious manifestation of her own inner turmoils. Panting and tired, she comes to an overhang and looks back over where she came.

0:15 – Elsa Looks Back

Notice that I only wait fifteen seconds before having something of importance happen next. Not a minute. The moment Elsa opens her mouth, she’s looking back where she came, seeing the storm raging behind her. Her footprints are eaten up in the snow, discouraging her from returning where she came. There’s nothing around her (kingdom of isolation) and she pulls her cloak tighter around her to keep warm. She touches her crown (and it looks like I’m the Queen). As the blizzard rushes around her (wind is howling), her hand drops in despair (couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried) and ice forms where she brushes against the rock.

This way we’re showing that she’s still struggling with her choice to run away. She’s holding tight to these symbols of her old life and responsibilities (the cloak and crown) while still unable to control this power flowing from her (the ice against the rock).

0:43 – Elsa Braves the Blizzard Old Style

Elsa turns from her safety to take on the mountain again (don’t let them in). But the wind, falling snow and ice impede her. She doesn’t get very far before she’s forced against the rocks again, her cloak and stubbornness not enough to see her through. She tries to pull herself up again and her hand once more creates a great sheet of ice – stylized in some interesting way, personally I’d make it jagged – and she looks at it realizing how futile trying to maintain her parents wishes really are since everyone knows that she is a witch (Well now they know!).

Were not a full minute in and I’m already adding conflict and action with this blizzard. We’re also seeing the progression of her character as she tries and tries to be the ‘good daughter’ and fails every time. Finally, she realizes how useless it really is.

1:00 – Let it Go

The wind picks up and Elsa shields herself with a pillar of ice (let it go). She gathers her strength and bursts forward into the blizzard. Losing the last of her inhibitions, she uses her powers to force her progression: she forms arches of stylish snow to cover her from falling snow. she creates icy steps to lift her up the incline and finally she begins to control the weather itself to create a peaceful passage through which she can pass finally emerging from the blizzard unscathed as she unwraps herself from her cloak (the cold never bothered me anyway).

One important note for this section. As Elsa gives in to the use of her powers, the storm should build in intensity. Every time she “magics” the blizzard grows more forceful and violent. The blizzard represents the uncontrolled emotions and manifest as this turmoil that she’s not truly addressing but, essentially, fleeing. The rest of the song should follow suit – anytime Elsa “magics” the storm gets deeper and darker.

1:30 – Crossing the Chasm

Elsa emerges onto an overhang and walks to the edge to see the town below. It’s nearly swallowed up in the blizzard now but seems so unimportant to her now (it’s funny how some distance makes everything seem so small – Come on! How wasn’t this obvious?!). Elsa turns away and approaches the chasm, removing her glove (the fears that once controlled me) and tosses it into the abyss to signify that she’s not going to let others keep her restrained (can’t get to me at all). Elsa then gauges the expanse and tries to create a crossing. She fails. She tries again. She fails again. Finally she makes a precipitous ledge and tentatively walks out. She then takes the plunge, using the blizzard and a spectacular display of snow and ice to get across in a hectic manner (I am one with the wind and sky – and make sure there’s wind!). As she lands on the other side, the camera pans around to her exuberant face while in the background the town is finally consumed in the raging blizzard, not to be seen again (never see me cry).

2:17 – Heel Stomp

As I said, this is the best moment so we can keep it. She then starts the first of her ice tower. But make it interesting and exciting. Have icicles bursting from the ground like crystal stalagmites. Elsa raises her tower but this should be a physically trying and taxing experience. The audience should get a feeling that she is making it in a very physical sense. Have her bend, sweat and struggle. For example, you can have her stumble and jagged ice shoots out. She then expands it in a quick burst, accepting the flaw as the ice projection lifts her up. This tower should be wild and free – just as Elsa feels now. Nothing clean and pretty. Make it look almost terrific – as in inspiring terror – and make the sequence focused on. When she talks about fractals, a sheet of ice forms across the screen with her face reflected in every broken piece. Elsa should be the centre of attention, not the tower. And shit, get rid of that stupid chandelier.

2:56 – Crown Toss 

Elsa takes a moment to remove her crown and throw it away (I’m never going back). For the first real time, the camera leaves Elsa and follows the crown to the base of her growing tower. The blizzard greedily swallows up the crown in its snowy maw (the past is in the past). Make this moment feel really dark as its suppose to communicate to the audience finally that, perhaps, Elsa has gone too far. The fact the tower looks more scary isn’t an accident. The whole idea behind this sequence is to show Elsa’s crossing into “villain” territory and the audience should cheer her along until they realized that she’s gone too far. Elsa isn’t being liberated anymore, she’s completely burying her past at the expense of all the people she knows. And the crown represents this. It’s not just a symbol of the throne but the responsibility of the throne to its people. The camera can follow the raging blizzard to the horizon where the town is no longer visible. The sun crests over the mountain tops (And I’ll rise like the break of dawn) and follows the sunlight back to the tower. Suddenly, the ice lights up as though the morning has breathed life into the structure and filled it with millions of refracting candles. Elsa stands in the centre covered in ice and bursts forth with her new outfit – that covers the old one and doesn’t eat it will looking more terrific – and moves towards the sun. She magics out a balcony and stands to look over her new kingdom of the mountain’s summit with the largest, most terrifying blizzard raging uncontrolled below. She greets this ‘guardian’ with open arms (Let the storm rage on!) and as its ferocious fingers reach up to grasp her, the camera pans in on her smiling face (the cold never bothered me anyway). The camera is then consumed in the snow.

 

Now I’ve introduced a character progression, emphasized and strengthened the story’s themes and symbols while adding an actual conflict for Anna to face (the blizzard that is now threatening to literally destroy the kingdom and kill it’s people). Elsa maintains her sympathy as she’s done this all unintentionally but she’s still maintaining her villainous as she as given up on all her responsibilities and sealed herself away from having to worry over the feelings and fate of others.

And all of that in one hour. Seriously, Disney, get your shit together!