Tag Archives: fantasy

Clockwork Caterpillar Sketch – New Fusang

Awhile ago I mentioned the new novel I was working on and gave a brief insight into the process I go about preparing for its writing. Progress on it continues as I juggle it amongst some other projects at the same time. But I thought the character sketches I wrote were somewhat interesting and they really don’t stand any chance of seeing the light of day unless I put them up here.

One of the characters I’m currently struggling with is a nine year old girl. Writing children is always a tricky proposition. It doesn’t take a degree in psychology to understand that children see the world different than adults. Quite often they make connections and associations well beyond what we would expect. While this gives them that stereotypical air of  “innocence” it also creates a bit of a challenge for an adult who wishes to capture that wonderful essence.

What I attempted in this passage was to try and imitate a childhood nursery rhyme. I spent time working on sound play and the cadence of the actual passage in order to replicate the youthful spirit. I don’t think it worked but part of the process of writing is trying new things even if they turn out to be a disaster in the end. So here’s some of my dirty laundry, so to speak, as an example of me stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing my abilities as a writer.

fusangzatta

Inspiration can come from the most peculiar places. My idea for the Jader colonies came from a mythological Chinese settlement supposedly founded in America long before English colonial hegemony. A veritable Eastern Atlantis, if you will.

Clucked and cuckold were the markets of New Fusang. Women in pretty coats spoke with men in dirty shirts. Clink, clink, clink went their fingers. Clink, clink, clink went the wen. Dangled the strings of coins, their square holes holding tightly to the lines as they were stretched and counted. Glasses raised and eyes presse. Clink, clink, clink went the fingers that counted the disks. Squawked went the chickens. Wan went the dogs. And the cages rattled.

Chatter and chat. Sing and spat. Round and round they prat. From stall to stall stepped the pretty ladies. And clinked went their strings. Whirled and wove like a little leaf on a stream. Fingers pointed and hands were filled. Mouths chomped and chewed round words and wan. Sticked fish and lizards, scorpions and pigeons. Barbed and bite, boxed and bundle. Fingers flick and all is bought.

The smell of roasted corn, fried jellyfish, cooked cat and brewed tea scent the air. They mixed with sweat, perfumes, cows and poop. Everywhere you looked something was passed, eaten, purchased, tossed, fed or tried. No place was like the markets of New Fusang.

She sat upon the roped boxes kicking small, tight shoes. They were simple cloth with colourful floral patterns of strange pink and white flowers and long petals. They were her favourite for the black embroidery around the anklet slip studded with colourful beads. At the tips were the worn remnants of long lost tassells. She liked kicking her feet and making the little stubs bounce up and down in the air. The frayed ends flapped like a bird’s tiny wing.

Across from her twanged the stringed wood. She watched slender fingers splay across the rows of wires. Picked and plucked. Notes echoed and twanged. Picked and plucked. Talon fingers like small claws of a little bird. They danced and jumped. And the board warbled. While the talons danced, the other fingers jumped about their ends. Ten and more strings stretched over the polished wood. Along the side ran pretty little symbols that she couldn’t read.

She tried to get her tassells to jump to the beat.

Suddenly, the tassells began to flap of their own accord, jumping and pulling without her kicking her feet. As she turned, regarding them curiously, she felt her jacket pull as a great wind nearly toppled her from her perch. She turned a small head with its little cap skywards. Overhead came the thump, thump, thump of great propellers as an enormous bladed vessel gently drifted past the stalls.

The gust of wind sent merchants scurry, reaching for tarps and cloths to tie and bound. Cotton and silk caught in the draft, fluttering and lifting like banners in a parade. She clapped her hands at the colourful twirling and twisting of the clothes as women and men jumped and danced after them.

And still those fingers plucked and danced. Twisted and bent were the scarves to the notes. Hopped and jumped went the women and men like guests at a pretty little party. Their voices cried and the strings sang and chirped, warbled and waned.

No place was like the markets of New Fusang.

The great air ship passed overhead, groaning with its journey. As it passed the wind followed. She jumped from the roped boxes, chasing after the plucky notes and twisting scarves down the crowded streets. Sails caught in the passing gust pulling their little carts on large, creaky single wheels as owners shouted and gave chase. A fancy little parade followed after the big boat as they all ran down the lane. She laughed and clapped and jumped and stomped all while scarves played and flapped about.

It was a parade of bright red and orange with small bursts of green and blue. Lapis lazuri and jade, vermilion and saffron. All were on display as they marched and skipped after the great wheeling boat. Doors burst open as others came to investigate the sounds. From a pile of colourful cushions arose cut sleeved robes, the two men joining in with others as they wove and wound down the lane.

Skipping, jumping, hopping, twirling.

Plucked were the guzhengs. Twanged were the sanxian. Whistled the xun. Banged the bolang gu.

A happy little parade chased the whirling, beating, churning air ship.

But it made not for the docks. Groaning and twisting, the metal turned as the wind caught at ladies’ dresses and men’s robes. Voices gave rise to the music as the procession made its way. Chattered and chittered and shouted and sang. She laughed as she skipped after them and their feet pounded the dirt.

Great dragon heads bit down on the large propellers. The undercarriage had magnificent carved lions with great flowing manes watching over their windows. So close flew the great ship that she could swear she could almost see the faces of the passengers looking out the silk drapes at the canvases of the markets.

A long row of bells gonged as they rushed past. Their great tubes were studded, intricate woven castings decorating around them like a beautiful ribbon wound too tightly. The supports were iron cast men, their bare arms balancing the heavy bars upon their heads and outstretched arms. The iron had begun to wash orange and green as if their skin and skirts were shedding the tarnished flakes to reveal their colours hidden beneath.

She stopped long enough to give a bright smile at the man watching over the row of bells. But his eyes followed the ship. So she quickly reached out, pushing on the largest of the bells and listening to it peel it’s bright, clear note.

Then she shouted and hurried after the fantastic ship.

Eight_Immortals_Crossing_the_Sea_-_Project_Gutenberg_eText_15250

The Eight Immortals Crossing the Sea from Myths and Legends of China

“What is it?”

“Where is it going?”

“Where are the soldiers?”

“Where did it come from?”

“Is that it? It’s bigger than I heard.”

“Isn’t it early?”

“Isn’t it late?”

“It looks magnificent!”

They chattered and chitted as they hurried, clutching to their hats as long braided tails bounced after shiny heads. Hurried they went through the streets of New Fusang. Doors burst open. Windows raised. Women emerged from kitchens and men from taverns. Even the pagoda’s doors were pushed open as orange robed old men emerged, raising wise hands to shield their eyes as the ship thrummed over their tiered tower. The very tiles of the roofs clapped in anticipation as the vessel veered towards the plains on the outskirts of the town.

The gates were stuck with people pushing and jockeying to get a look. As their parade got closer, they got slower. And she had to duck and weave amongst the silk dresses and leather pants. The thin shoes and the heavy boots. In and out, under and between. Around and around.

Everything could be seen in the markets of New Fusang.

Everything but a ship that could fly.

Gears creaked and croaked. The dragons seemed to roar as the propellers shook. The sky banged and smoked as the ship turned and broke. People craned and watched, questioned and gasped. All stood watching in fascination as the great ship banked on its airy waves.

Whistles cried and soldiers stomped. Guns and swords shook. But the people did not make way, grabbing arms, sleeves, jackets and coats. They pointed, they gaped and they spoke.

“Is it from the Emperor?”

“Is it from the ministers?”

“Is it from the merchants?”

“Is it from the generals?”

“How does it fly?”

“How does it turn?”

“How does it land?”

“I want to ride!”

She shouted and pointed, watching as the ship began to sink. Shook and shake, ring and clank. The dragons roared. Bore aloft on their slender backs came this great metal egg. It was a sight and a show and she had to see it for herself.

She pressed against the gate and its thin metal studs worn and marked from the old blades and arrows of the wildmen in the hills and mountains. She tried to press her fingers into the dented and torn wood, pulling herself up as much as she could to look over the hats and heads, braids and parasols. The ship brought itself around, the great fins turning beneath the chains of working gears like a great puffed metal fish.

And then something loud popped.

And the crowd gasped.

And the ground shook.

And the air hissed.

Before she knew it, something warm and strong pulled her from the perch and to the ground. A frightful sound erupted from the air. Shouts and screams churned from the crowd as people pushed and ran. Like little birds scattering before a coming cat they took back to the streets they had hurried along.

Whistles blared and voices shouted. The soldiers stamped their feet.

She looked up to the ship and only saw the frightful burning of a sun. Lines dropped as fire rose. It ran all along the green and red sides. It licked the balloon and grasped the sky. In seconds the entire ship was ablaze as it tore and broke.

And it came crashing down.

She pushed herself to her feet but was bumped and pushed. Feet kicked and clopped and she shouted in pain as they passed. But no one noticed in their haste and fear. They ran and they screamed and she shouted and she cried.

She found herself up against the wall, pulling her legs close. Her pants were torn and her legs were bruised and bleeding. One of her lovely little shoes was missing and she looked at her dirty foot. She pulled it in close, wrapping herself up in a little ball.

Then the wall shook.

It crunched and snapped as a great series of steel beams and chains smashed overhead. Fire dropped like thick raindrops about her head as the metal crushed the roof of a nearby home. The wood caught and blazed. People shouted and screamed as soldiers rushed to the spreading flames.

Smoke filled the air, choking her mouth and stinging her eyes. She crawled away from the fire and the people. She crawled along the wall. Few people ran along side now, but all of them still jumped and struck. The fire and the heat was so strong as the house and its friend caught the dancing red and orange. She watched as the sailed carts smoked up like little firecrackers during a new year festival.

The wall shook and crashed again and she crawled crying away from it as the great metal nose of the ship came crashing through. Stones and dirt sprayed over her as she hid her face behind her arms. She stumbled and scrambled, spun and slipped. She sprawled against the dirt and crawled into the alley seeking silence and cold.

The noise and the shouts were loud and overbearing. She hurt and she cried but no one came. The air grew heavy and dark as black smoke was the only hand that tried to comfort. She coughed and tried to spit the burnt taste from her mouth. Frightened and alone, she curled up waiting for it to stop and for it to end.

There she would have stayed and lay but something stirred from the wreckage around her. From the broken and burning wood, from the gasping metal fingers of a crushed cage, poke two small coals that peered at her through the smoke. Tumbling and turning flopped a small little creature, it’s large tail singed. It plodded towards her, skittering around the flames and metal. It pressed its cold nose against her bloody hand.

And as she peeled her knees away, she could see something red beneath the soot. Two white ears pricked as she cried and its red fur was not from the fires that burned around it. It pawed with its little foot then trotted a few feet away. Turning its white streaked face, it blinked its eyes before giving a sharp, airy cry.

She blinked back.

The spirit of flame took a few more ponderous paces, turned and cried again. Slowly, she followed. Step by step on hands and knees. She slowly made her way ofter its bobbing round tail, ringed and inviting, skirting fires and sliding on its belly beneath twisted metal and smouldering wood. Past darkened bodies and bleeding faces they moved. Over tumbled stones and along cracked metal bones they climbed. She followed and he scampered.

Through the ruins of New Fusang they wound until they broke from its burning shell into the soft grass and green trees. They climbed and scampered up the hills. As she fled, she turned and looked back at the city burning and choking in a dark black haze.

No place would ever be like the markets of New Fusang.

 

The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

We are going a little younger in the audience of our book review today. The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom by Christopher Healy is a children’s fantasy that is enjoyably good.

We start after the fairy tales have occurred: Prince Charming has already met and ‘saved’ his princess. They are engaged and the bards speak of bright futures for the couple. However, the bards never get things right; they cannot even remember the prince’s name!

Painted like simple, empty-headed girls obsessed with fashion, the princesses do not live up to their descriptions either. No, the bards have taken the elements of their respective fairy tales and twisted the facts out of recognition.

What we find instead in this eclectic land of kingdoms are four very different princes and four unique princesses. Each has their own distinct outlook on life and a well-developed personality. With that in play we now have a story worth reading. Like all great books it is the characters that sell the simple tale of stopping an evil witch and ‘rescuing’ the missing princess.

Images of the Princesses from the book.

Images of the Princesses from the book. Ok, one of them is not a typical fairy tale princess. She is still alot of fun to read about though. – Images from book, but found online.

The book is well suited to its audience. The bad guys are a little on the silly side so as not to be too scary. Even these secondary characters have been given personalities and well-defined goals. They are not just evil, they are purposely bad. The heroes do manage some heroic moments towards the end of the book but are otherwise written as people with strengths and some very obvious weaknesses. The princesses are the most surprising element. After all fairy tales generally revolve around the princess spending far less time developing the male counterpart. These women are even more diverse then their princes and the author has a few interesting twists as he reinterprets their distinctive outlooks on life. I think there is enough writing about both sexes along with a healthy dose of adventure and comedy to appeal to both genders.

Really, it is one of the best children’s books I have read in a long time (only partly because I haven’t read many children’s books in a long time).

My few complaints are … well silly. I find the book obviously childish and the plot simplistic. This is not because the author didn’t do a good job, he did. This is because the book is a children’s tale. I wonder what it would look like if it was directed at an older audience. My other quibble has to do with the narrator’s voice at the end – it didn’t jive with me. I would rather that the princes were not responsible for ‘writing’ the book. Personal preference; it just felt like the wording on the last page broke my emersion in the world.

Still, to be absolutely clear – The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom is an excellent children’s fantasy. Also the illustrations are pretty funny too!

Cry of the Glasya Part 8

< Return to Cry of the Glasya Part 7

We’re at the final stretch team! It’s been a long journey, but hopefully worth it. Sadly, this means I’m going to have to create some original content in the future so my easy street ride is done. But at least you won’t have to put up with these silly pieces for awhile.

On to the show!

Glasya-Labolas

I’m reusing the image from the first Cry of the Glasya post. It’s poetry in motion or something.

“Are you sure you don’t need something else?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Head of a chicken? Beating heart of a girl.”

Keirn gave Derrek a withering look.

“Shut up and pass me the chime.”

The bones rattled against each other as Keirn held the object awkwardly in his hands. It was strange – this morbid talisman seemed to be channeling quite a lot of arcane energy lately. Keirn puzzled briefly his sister’s intentions in making it but then realized that he probably didn’t want to know her reasons. Sometimes people did things that were best left unexplained.

The seal had been formed from melting what wax they could scavenge from the packs of their colleagues. They were short on the supplies that Keirn needed for his original ritual. He wasn’t sure how necessary they were. So much of this process was as much a mystery to himself as it was to Derrek.

He held the chime aloft, letting the femurs, skulls, knuckles and whatever else stitched together to rattle emptily in his hands.

As Keirn began began the binding, Derrek shuffled over to a bunk and watched. Both men had cleared a large space upon the floor, pushing beds together and lifting trunks to the corners. Keirn then set about drawing the intricate symbol on the floor, his hands tracing the lines that his mind had forgotten. To the sorcerer, the symbols were meaningless. Possibly some ancient iconography that had been lost long before any age of remembrance. Derrek made no comment on them, quite unlike the bard who was very forward with sharing what random useless bit of trivia he knew.

And given the work Keirn had to go through to discover the seal, he would not have been surprised to discover he was the only one who knew how to draw it.

With the seal complete, Keirn clattered the chime a couple of times before breaking different bones off and setting them at cardinal points around the seal. He placed them in smaller circles drawn in the perimeter, as if the symbol had been created with the full purpose of having additional items placed within.

With the last of the preparations completed, Keirn retrieved a long knife and took his place in the centre of the seal.

“You ready for this?”

Derrek merely nodded.

Keirn took a slow breath then drew the blade viciously across his palm.

Blood pattered along the seal and dripped against the thick wax. It almost sounded like it sizzled when it struck the floor and Keirn couldn’t help but feel a familiar rise in temperature as he worked. He clenched a fist, holding his hand over the centre and squeezing a small trickle of blood upon the most prominent symbol.

During the whole process he whispered that strange incantation he had committed to rote. His words were softer than a strangled whisper. It didn’t matter how loud he was, where Keirn was trying to call was a place that wouldn’t be reached through sheer volume alone. Veracity was the key, and Keirn steeled his heart in anticipation.

The stubs of candles ringing the seal fluttered as if a massive, invisible form rushed past them. The shadows along the walls stretched and twisted as if in eternal agony. As Keirn drew close to the conclusion of his chant, darkness welled up from the furthest corners of the room like an approaching fog.

The candles sputtered again and in the growing gloom Keirn could almost see a massive form shifting in the darkness. Derrek just watched in fascination as the room darkened and swallowed him up in the emptiness.

With the last whispered syllable a ferocious rumble bounded about the walls. From the floor burst thirty six twisted and cracked spikes, ringing the seal and pinning Keirn within. Those spears formed a barrier just as much to keep Keirn within as to hold the braying beasts in the darkness out.

The metal shook and and vibrating as the circling predators tested the boundary. Keirn watched with wary eyes as darkened fangs and claws seem to scrap against the cold metal. But the spears held, though they rattled fiercely.

Further cracking drew the sorcerer’s attention to the floor. The ground swelled and burst, splitting in large sections as piles of bones were belched from the ground beneath. They jutted up in rising piles around the sorcerer, feet and hands tumbling and clattering down the piles. Where Keirn’s blood had spilled before him rose the greatest pile of skulls, an otherworldly wind echoing from their empty mouths and eyes in an unnatural groan.

With the last pile formed, a loud flutter filled the air above Keirn. From the gloom descended a ragged and bloodied eagle. Its twisted talons settled immediately on the skull pile as the bird limped upon its roost. It hopped briefly about, as if its bleeding and twisted legs were pained with its landing. Dark eyes inspected the corpses strewn around as if it expected to find some twisted carcass to scavenge. Having found nought but bone, it turned unimpressed to the sorcerer. It cocked its head before opening its beak and emitting an ear piercing wail that sounded far too similar to a woman’s last dying scream.

“It’s been awhile… demon.”

The shadows shook at his utterance, the spears rattling all around as if the force stalking the darkness was testing each chain simultaneously. The wind howled and the bones clattered and clapped against each other. The eagle merely blinked.

“You know why I have called you. I demand you release your current charge.”

The eagle ruffled its feathers, shaking its head before opening its beak once more. This time, a heavy man’s voice cried out in terrifying agony and pain.

“You know why,” Keirn replied calmly. “If you have any desire to breath this world once more you’d do well to obey.”

The bird called and a young man screamed in sorrow.

“When was the last time you drank from this place? How long was it that I last called you? You think just because you have a new binder that your freedom is assured? We both know that she can not contain you and you will burn through her in no time. She will die if you insist on enslaving her.”

The bird cried and an elderly voice croaked from within.

“I have given you plenty. And I will give you far more than that pitiful feast you have out there. Know that if you don’t obey, I will end her. And with her dies the last knowledge of your bindings. And if I have to raise my blade, I vow with my dying breath I will never contact you again. You can rot in your emptiness for another eternity with only the faintest memories of your bloodshed to drive you further mad.”

The bird glowered upon the skulls.

“I have given you a Countess, Viscount and Princess. You know that where I go death falls in my wake. You can engorge yourself now and vanish from the minds of every living thing again. Or you can leave her and know that even greater sacrifices shall be made in your name. But I won’t debate with you anymore, monster. I’ve retraced those ancient steps and recalled the first pact we made. Know I won’t bend to your will anymore but you will bend to mine!”

The bird cried out in a blood curdling scream as it took to its great wings. In a fluttered of darkened and black, oily feathers, it vanished into the dark and the fog.

“Then let the contract be sealed.”

Keirn took the knife gingerly in his wounded hand. He wrapped his fingers around the blade and cut deep into his other palm. The heat was almost scorching as he squeezed the drops on the gaping skulls beneath him. The blood pattered against cracked and bleached teeth, bubbling immediately as it hit the bone.

From the stone burst great rusted chains. They shot up, wrapping tightly about his wrists and forearms. Keirn could feel the metal scratch and dig into his flesh as they wound and bound his arms together.

But he resisted.

With an agonizing scream he pulled and twisted, wrenching the chains apart. The metal clattered and groaned, trying in vain to assert its dominance. But fire fueled Keirn’s veins and he pulled against their strength. The coarse metal dug deep into his skin, tasting blood again. But the more they struggled, the further Keirn separated his limbs. At last, the metal burst in a great clatter of iron as links smashed into the ground and tore through the scattered bones.

Then, just as loud as they came, the bones scuttled back into the earth. The spears retreated after them and the darkness lifted. Only the sounds of massive retreating paws echoed back to the two men still practically naked in the middle of the room.

Keirn followed Derrek’s gaze towards his arms. A rash of metal links stained his flesh where they had wrapped and the skin itself was raised and bumped as if the iron had been buried just beneath his skin. Conscious of the physical marks, Keirn hurried over to his pack and quickly pulled out a tunic to unroll over his arms.

“It’s done then?” Derrek asked.

“Felicia should be fine,” Keirn said.

At the mention of her name, Keirn felt an echoed whisper just on the edge of his hearing. But that trembled voice was easy to ignore.

“How much did you see?”

“I don’t understand a log in the Urðr Well, man,” Derrek shrugged. “But if you say it’s done then it is done.”

Keirn paused before the door, remembering the sound of frenzied hands pounding against it earlier. Slowly he inched it open, looking up and down the hall. There was no sign of bloodthirsty guests or rotting bodies and Keirn wondered how bad things really were and what was all part of Derrek’s complicated illusions.

Keirn waved for the bard to follow and the two cautiously started towards the hall.

“If it’s any consolation, I don’t think Felicia knew what she was doing.”

“Doesn’t bother me.”

“No, I mean that I don’t think she knows how to do the binding. I think someone set her up – built the seal and inserted the chant within her song without her knowing.”

“Women just ruin everything, eh? The aria itself isn’t half bad when done by an actual professional.”

Keirn stopped, looking gravely at his friend.

“This means that someone learned how to do this and they probably learned it from me. Much like you recongized the ritual from following me at the Academy. And even though Felicia will have no idea how to do it again, whoever is behind this can always trick another. I think we were lucky this time that bards have some arcane understanding. The next time could be much worse.”

“So someone has been following us on our adventures and learned it when you did a binding before?”

Keirn nodded.

“Someone has an unnatural interest in us. Maybe we should be more careful from now on.”

“That’s unlikely to happen.”

They started again down the still hall.

“So if they learned it from watching you, how often have you been doing this?”

“How long have you been sleeping with Felicia?”

Both men looked accusingly at each other.

Derrek shrugged again.

“Forget I asked.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Return to the Short Story hub  

Cry of the Glasya Part 7

< Return to Cry of the Glasya Part 6

For those that are avoiding reading the shorts until they’re all finished so you aren’t left in rapt suspense, I can confirm that this one will complete on Monday. Then I’ll see if I can’t get some non D&D articles up in case people are getting tired of them.

Also, I’m nearing the end of the draft I’m currently working on so I’ll have more focus and attention to write my thoughts and musing. Plus, I hope to see Pacific Rim this weekend so maybe I’ll have a glowing review to share!

(But it’s unlikely.)

A Medieval artist's rendition of some good, old fashioned dark magic. Cry of the Glasya does it better, in my opinion.

A Medieval artist’s rendition of some good, old fashioned dark magic. Cry of the Glasya does it better, in my opinion. At the very least, it does it with more style.

Keirn rested a metal gauntlet on the handle. Hoping he wasn’t about to burst into a room of suspicious looking men, he pushed.

The first chamber he’d tried was filled with damp robes and the unmistakeable smell of the wrong place. And while he wasn’t expecting to find a second garderobe he wasn’t even sure he was on the right level of the keep. Who really knew where Dukes or Earls liked to roost. Probably as far from the smelly peasantry as possible was Keirn’s thinking.

However, he immediately knew this wasn’t exactly the place he wanted the moment he crossed the threshold.

He stood in a simple stone domicile. Wrought iron torch holders were clamped against the cold walls. The far wall was reinforced with a tickling familiar iron frame and held a row of opened windows. A chill breeze whistled past, invading the empty space like an unwanted assistant in Keirn’s searches.

He was about to turn and leave when something caught his eye. A large fireplace set across the room seemed to shimmer with the faintest of flickering embers. Releasing the door handle, his metal suit clattered as he drew across the naked floor. A simple iron poker hung upon its side and Keirn lifted the tool before scratching at the remnants in the ash pit.

Charcoal popped and snapped, releasing trapped flickers of flame to float like gentle wisps in the culling wind. Keirn sifted through the ash, the tip of the poker striking something hard and buried beneath the fire’s powdered body. Prodding along its side, it felt like something large and he worked the hook of the poker until he dragged a long piece of polished mahogany onto the floor.

Curiously, the fragment seemed untouched by the scorching ghost of the demised blaze. The piece was excellently carved with flowering wreathes of intricate vines and leaves running its length. It seemed like the post of a rather elegant bed and Keirn was reminded immediately of the guard’s story. He looked about the room, but no furniture offered a reasonable explanation for this piece’s existence.

Keirn was just about to roll it back into the embers when he discovered something surprising on its opposite side. He slowly removed his gauntlet, bending down to run a finger slowly over an unexpected seal.

Embossed on the underside of the post was the inexplicable coat of arms for the High Academy of the Queen Enthroned.

Keirn recoiled from the quartered symbol and the opened book centred at the crosspoint of the quadrants. The runes on its tiny pages seemed to pulse and glow as Keirn watched. Along its ruby border twisted the thorny vines of a blood red rose that slowly began to blossom. The petals uncurled like the pages of a book slowly revealing themselves to an inquisitive mind. In the span of a few seconds the plant seemed to bloom and wilt, its petals dripping down the wood like thick drops of blood that pattered thunderously against the floor.

Keirn dropped the poker and recoiled, turning quickly for the door. He leaped upon the handle, wrenching his way to promised freedom as a swirl of unwanted memories began to unravel behind him.

But it was not the familiar corridor of the keep that greeted him. Instead, the door opened upon an expansive hall with shelves rising from the ground like great monuments to Vör’s unending inquisitiveness. Almost every surface was covered with mounds of books and sheaves of rolled paper. Great writing pedestals sprung from the heaped tomes like large, solitary mushrooms. The high backs of those chairs appeared to hunch over their massive curved writing tables sprouting beneath as if to protect those seated from the light overhead.

The scratching echoes of a thousand phantom quills clawed amongst the sheets of paper like a great footed beast stalking this gloomy space. Keirn felt all too familiar with this space but as he turned to retreat back to the empty room in the Duke’s keep he discovered only more of the library stretching behind with not but the handle of the door still clutched in his hand.

Frightened, he dropped his gauntlet.

This was impossible. This was a dreadful dream. This was not the Keep of Gelph. This was a far more dangerous place and Keirn had to escape.

He turned, fleeing down the first row of books he found. His boots cracked the aged spines of the tomes he stumbled across. But they were piled so high that his retreat was soon impeded by the the leather backs slapping hard against his calves as he stomped. He paused to catch his breath, looking worriedly around for an exit.

Something warm and wet slipped through the gap between his breastplate and skirt. He could feel a glob of something slowly ooze down his lower back before hardening in an unsettling chunk. He reached back, his fingers scratching at the metal in an attempt to find the hole in his armour. Failing that, he just lifted the shirt from his body. But as he pulled it overhead, he heard the impact of another glob landing upon the metal.

Holding it to his face he found a thick piece of wax slowly cooling against its surface. Keirn looked up.

High overhead hung the great chandeliers, their twelve arms forming the spokes of a great wheel. This place adored its symbolism, using the great candle holders to reinforce their dogmatic views above the students even as they tried to work.

Keirn couldn’t stay. But he knew of an escape. Turning, he pushed a mound of books out of his way, clawing through waist deep tomes as the scratching of the scribes increased to a deafening roar about him.

He pulled himself from the stacks, freeing himself from the weight of the chain skirt before stumbling before the great curved stairs that led up to the private collections. Students weren’t allowed access up there. A great iron gate barred the way and all along its sides glowed the insignia of the keepers in warning for those that would dare attempt to breach the wards an intrude upon Vör’s sacred ground.

But it wasn’t the private collections that Keirn sought.

He hurried along the edge of the stairs. Statuettes grew as the side of the stairs ascended, creating an ever growing parade of hooded women and bearded men whose names had long been ignored and forgotten. Most students paid no attention to the exquisite detailing of the grand staircase. But Keirn wasn’t like most students.

Amongst the detailed figures and near the curve when the stairs made contact with the raised half floor above stood a cracked and broken form. Unlike his compatriots, this figure seemed cleaved and shattered with little but a pair of stumpy calves to mark his spot. His neighbours seemed to look unsympathetically away, as if even the statues dared not look upon that blasted spot.

And from that little hole, Keirn felt something. He couldn’t describe what it was but it felt like a calling that tumbled in the back of his skull. Just looking upon that space made his heart began to pound.

“No,” Keirn muttered. “No… this is not real.”

Suddenly, fingers seemed to wrap about him. Cold flesh squeezed his exposed skin and Keirn felt a dizzying strike of lightning flash across his vision. Instinctively, his muscles tensed and a force before him seemed to pull harder against his resistance.

A flash of white seared his vision before Keirn blinked and found himself looking up at the familiar soft features of the damnable bard.

“Found anything yet?” Derrek asked, holding the clinking bone chime in his hands.

A scraping pain peeled across Keirn’s brain as he rubbed his eyes and looked around. His friend was still standing in his linen braies in the guard quarters. He looked expectantly at Keirn.

“Wha- where?”

“Have you figured it out yet?”

“By the Seven Sisters what are you nattering about?”

Derrek’s simple answer was to thrust the chime back into Keirn’s hands. With a whip of force and pop of air Keirn felt himself blinking back at the library.

He raised his hands to his head, crying out at the pound of pain smashing against his skull.

“Is that what you’ve done?!” Keirn cried. “Is this some kind of game to you?”

Silence answered back. Not even the phantasmal scratches whispered amongst those walls.

Of course this was Derrek’s doing. It had to be his all along.

“I won’t do it!” Keirn cried. “Fling one of your other friends into their own head!”

Keirn brushed a few scattered books away then hunkered down rebelliously upon the floor. But the moments ticked by with nary a hint of change. Keirn knew Derrek couldn’t keep him here forever. Eventually his concentration would waver and end. If the sorcerer had to wager on his friend’s persistence against his own stubbornness, it was a bet he was certain to win. And he’d much rather that than face the empty alcove.

But that tickling in the back of his mind struck a familiar cord deep within him. There was something there, something far too alien for his friend to know but far too comfortable for Keirn to ignore. And if this world was of his friend’s creation, how could he know? Unless…

Keirn looked around, feeling a sudden shiver take his whole body and cause every hair to stand on end. It was night here. He knew that. This light was nothing but a phantasm. He came with a cloak of twilight on his own. But if his friend’s illusion had led him here, had he been truly alone when he donned that disguise?

Keirn peered down the stacks again, searching for some hidden, prying eyes. Some secrets were never meant to be uncovered.

Keirn slowly pushed himself to his feet then he approached the broken statuette. He extended a hesitant hand slowly into the crevice.

A great gush of chilling wind wrapped about him and an unearthly groan filled his ears. Keirn closed his eyes as dust and dirt sought his vision and he raised his naked arms in futile defence against the assault. He felt the ground shift beneath his feet and the air grew frigid. His head pounded through the force of his will as the entire library seemed to rebel against his desires. But darkness eventually snatched him as the master of the world began to change hands.

There were some things Derrek couldn’t know and Keirn was certain to keep those things hidden.

It mattered not for when the wind died and Keirn lowered his arms, he was in an all too familiar chamber. Candles flickered in the gloom, casting sinister shadows over rough hewed walls that had been abandoned long before the hammers could finish matching the ornamentation of the grand library far overhead. Here was a place meant to be forgotten and buried had persistent eyes not seen beyond what others overlooked.

Keirn looked down at his hands and the red candle flickering between his fingers. Thirty-six candles were needed but Keirn used only thirty six points in the seal at his feet. The thick blotches of spilled wax dotted the perimeter and he slowly stepped into the circle as he raised his face.

Between the cracked columns rested the statue. A young chin drew back the shadows, smooth and unblemished unlike the hole that it occupied. He was a hunter and warrior that was plain to see. But this faceless being was cast in darkness now, his name long lost to places where none could know. Some terrible tragedy had beset him, the slain hounds at his feet suggested just as much. But it was the broken bow and spear that painted clear the defeat and the talons of a great eagle had torn its price from those muscular arms.

The candles sputtered and Keirn could feel his heart begin to pound.

“This is why the words were familiar to you,” Keirn whispered. “You had heard them before.”

He turned in the circle, holding the candle high overhead to pierce the darkness. But only emptiness greeted him, the shadows too reticent to betray their keeper. Keirn tried to pull back the veil but the pain tore at his mind. He shook the stubborn pride from his thoughts. It would have to be one battle he’d concede.

“I thought I’d come alone. I thought no one else knew. The door had remained hidden for so long that I didn’t even think to close it fully that night. Who would look there anyway without knowing the key? But you’ve always seemed to know things that you shouldn’t. As if someone or something else guided you through the dark.”

The candles sputtered again and in that shifting darkness behind him Keirn could hear the soft whispers.

“I’d only hoped for that same power, you know. For the same guidance you seemed to hold. How could I know how wrong I was?”

The whispers grew but before they could become audible a great howl enveloped Keirn. The sound of ghostly hounds braying in the night filled the tight space, pressing out all other sounds. Yet Keirn refused to turn back to that statue.

“I confess, I’ve made some mistakes. But how could I know what I was about to commit? Sometimes there are no obvious answers and when you look beyond the registered teachings you can’t know for certain what you’ll find.”

A heat began to grow but it rose not from the candles. The braying grew louder as the shadows danced madly about him. Keirn closed his eyes, trying to shut the visions and sounds from his mind. But even in the darkness shone those infernal candles. And though he stood blinded and unmoving in that seal, he could feel a form moving about him – a younger form and certainly one more foolish.

He wanted to call out. He wanted to warn him of the danger. But he knew it was futile. Some mistakes were impossible prevent.

Slowly, he opened one eye followed by the other. He watched as a ghostly figment moved through him. It was little more than a wisp of a memory, but the young man barely more than a boy, moved with awkward uncertainty. He was tentative with each placement of the ritual’s components and in the transparent face reflecting in the candlelight, Keirn could see the doubt in his eyes.

Once the last of the preparations had been completed, the youth stood before the statue. The last vestiges of his hesitation seemed to slowly drain from him. He set his jaw defiantly, stepped to the centre of the seal and began to chant.

How he had practised those words every night, forcing their archaic sounds to spill effortlessly from his lips. In the shadows of the quietest chambers he’d rehearsed, as far from prying eyes and listening ears as he could be certain. When paranoia took hold, he’d taken to stealing off the grounds in the evenings, finding secluded grottoes where the tumble of the water would drown out the echo of his own words.

As the last utterance passed his tongue, Keirn turned to the statue, his heart dreading what would come next. But as his eyes swept across those dark walls, his vision seemed to blur and meld together. He felt dizzy, the world seeming to rush rapidly past.

Then came a familiar glare of light.

Derrek wrenched the bone chime from Keirn’s fingers.

“Have you-”

“Yes, yes!” Keirn cried, standing to his feet. He wavered for a moment as the room began to spin about him. But he grabbed hold of the closest bunk to steady himself. He waited for his mind to finally clear before looking around the quarters.

“We’re going to have to move some things before we can proceed.”

Keirn turned to Derrek.

“And I’m not doing all the heavy lifting.”

Continue to Cry of the Glasya Part 8 >

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Book Review – Nameless

Another Wednesday and another book review. This time I am delving into the young adult section – fantasy still.

Cover for the recent book review - Nameless

Cover for the recent book review – Nameless

A general reminder that as I review the following work, I may give away details you would prefer to discover through actually reading the book. Be warned.

Today’s book review is on Nameless: A Tale of Beauty and Madness by Lili St Crow. This book wins for not having zombies. Also, following hard on the heels of several really unsuccessful reads I found the young adult fairy tale surprisingly good.

It is a successful merge of modern world building (cars, private schools, and high-security mansions) and magic. They come together in the town of New Heaven which is supposed to be part of a larger world. Though the town ends up feeling isolated in a world not that big, I didn’t find this a problem. Most fairy tales take place in isolated kingdoms, so the setting fit for me. That the story is clearly a retelling of Snow White was another positive. It was actually interesting the manner in which the author took elements of the classic fairy tale: the seven ‘dwarves’, the huntsman, the apple, mirrors and the beauty-obsessed queen with her hunger for hearts and twisted it into something fresh yet familiar.

Snow White comes across as a princess – not a spoiled brat, rather a young woman who is well protected. Her roles in life are small and lean towards the domestic – in the manner of smoothing relations between people, calming tempers and other ladylike things. I suppose her character arc is that of growing confidence, for she physically does very little in the narrative. Mostly she quakes in fear and watches the world around her through anxious eyes. A platoon of friends and family (adopted family) actively fight to protect her from the dangers (largely physical) that threaten the Snow White’s life. Yet, while I was reading about this princess character, I was not immediately struck by how men jump to protect women; particularly Snow White. I think this had to do with the supporting cast of strong female characters; including a fierce Red Riding Hood and determined Cinderella (how do you spell sequel?).

Being a fairy tale – granted one that incorporates the modern love of vampires and other supernatural beings – the story ends much as you would expect. The path is littered with a few unexpected interpretations to keep the reader (me) interested. The writing balances carefully between engaging narrative and teen angst which can often overwhelm and destroy a YA novel. While following the typical trials of teenagers (not the most exciting of material choices) the author creates a present day world of magical possibilities. Here magic is anchored in the world and used to accomplish much of what our technology does. I like that. Never does the supernatural feel overpowered.

So, for creating a teen book that doesn’t drag, whine, or become over the top angsty, for subtly incorporating current vampire and fey trends, and for creating an interesting retelling of a classic fairy tale, I would give Nameless a solid pass. It is a good young adult read.

Cry of the Glasya Part 6

< Return to Cry of the Glasya Part 5

It’s hot and unpleasant. Summer is not my favourite season of the year. I’m more of a middling spring/fall kind of guy. On the plus side, it’s the perfect excuse to get a use out of basements which mostly stay ignored and neglected all year.

Anyway, let’s continue on with our adventures with bad summons and we’ll see if we can’t finish them soon.

Cry of the Glasya art taken from the Ars Goetia.

Cry of the Glasya art taken from the Ars Goetia. And you thought the others were weird.

It was the sound of familiar voices that ended Keirn’s tour across the keep’s walls. They were remarkably loud, drifting up from the courtyard like a rabble of angry crows. He peered over the edge, experiencing the peculiar sensation of viewing himself from different eyes.

The four of them stood before the knight captain, pulled from his duties to inspect the new hires. Jeremiah stood regally in his hastily polished suit. The plates of his mail gleamed in the sun overhead. But though he felt he gave off the appearance of some distinguished warrior, from Keirn’s spot it was all too easy to spot the dents in the metal and the worn straps. His boots were dirty from all their hiking and his sword could use a bit more care.

Derrek was far more presentable of the lot, with his brilliant flowing hair and eye catching features. It was unfortunate that he took too little interest in the interaction with their employer, especially when word of the entertainer of the evening was dropped. Keirn could see his shoulders droop at the mention of Licia’s name and the lute tapped limply at his side.

Kait was more taken with the apparent keep than the occupants or work that would be required inside. Amongst the sacks and bags strapped about her like some overburdened mule lay the thin, curved wood of a bow and hand fletched quiver of arrows. Her interests were varied but seemed more consumed by talk of hounds, stables and architecture than it did about rumoured assassins and paranoid dukes.

The only one of their group that paid any attention to the knight captain was the sorcerer himself. And Keirn couldn’t help but frown at his rather seemingly lanky frame draped in the clothes of a traveller with the start of an unkempt beard bristling his face. He appeared far more the vagabond than he thought and couldn’t help but think that his hair could really use a good cutting.

And even then, it was less the required guarding that drew his attention and more the promised feast.

“And when shall this meal be served?”

“The Duke wishes to celebrate at the crack of eve. The sun crests the tips of the distant mountains and makes for an excellent backdrop for the banquet hall.”

“Yes, yes and surely someone will be required to sample his food. You know, to insure that he won’t be poisoned.”

“He does employ a cup bearer.”

“My good sir,” plain clothed Keirn sighed, “we aren’t just talking about the cups. You see, we are adventurers that have travelled far and wide and know our fair share of honourable lords that have fallen to more nefarious means. No, the more sinister poison is mixed in as oils for breads, stews for vegetables or even glazes on hams. There are hams, yes?”

“A… boar is being roasted upon a spit as we speak.”

“Spit-roasted! Heavens, the most foulest of ways to go. I suggest we begin our duties in the kitchens immediately. Best ensure that the foods are cooked to a proper degree that’ll prevent any would-be assassin from murdering the innards.”

“That really isn’t necessary. Mostly you’ll be required to stand guard over the grand ha-”

“Speak no more, fair captain, for you have hired the merry band of Keirn Faden. Amongst our numbers are Kait, the seasoned baker who saved a kingdom through her savory muffins.”

“I did no such-”

“And Jeremiah the Bold! A chef so desired that he was summoned to the wind blasted steppes to show a glorious warlord the perfect wine for decoction. Then there’s Derrek who… who…”

“I’m pretty good at roasting turnips.”

“Who’s pretty damned good at roasting turnips.”

“Look, just report to the quartermaster for some… proper supplies and we’ll get you posted…”

“Your coin is well earned!” called Keirn beckoning for his friends to follow. “We’ll be dressed proper for the feast, you can count on us!”

“And a bloody good feast it was,” guard Keirn muttered, feeling his stomach grumble at the memory. “Only because Jeremiah saved the roast from those incompetent chefs.”

Keirn was tempted to follow his past self and see if he couldn’t once again obtain a sample of the foods before they were served. However, he feared the ramifications of perhaps alerting his past self to his future self’s existence. He was unfamiliar with magicks of time and space but felt such an unnatural occurence would no doubt lead to some greater travesty. No, it was better to identify this assassin and prevent the entire massacre and the kitchens were not the location of the crime.

Even if the boar was delicious.

Keirn hurried along the ramparts, making a strict beeline for the audience chamber. With the knight-captain distracted with his past self, he should be able to hide himself amongst the galleries and discover the identity of the mysterious saboteur.

Accessing the hall from the ramparts proved a far more trying task than Keirn anticipated. It was made further difficult by the noise of his clunking armour and his desire to avoid any confrontation with the steadily increasing amount of bodies in the buildings.

It was remarkable that someone had managed to prepare the summoning with all this attention. How did no one spot something suspicious with all these eyes peeled for anything suspicious?

Keirn emerged into the galleries to find Licia’s performing troupe already taking up their spots. Directions were shouted as the entertainers arranged their equipment. Raucous strings were strummed, horns were touted and the entire symphony seemed intent on blaring as much cacophony as they could while they were not under the pressure of an audience.

They paid Keirn little attention, the regalia on his suit giving him enough explanation for his presence. But, once again, it seemed impossible for anyone to organize the likely rigorous preparations required to summon the demon. This was getting Keirn nowhere.

“How goes the investigation?”

Keirn spun, finding Licia looking at him expectantly. Her fingers tapped her arms impatiently and he could tell she was re-evaluating her previous decision to give him free roam.

“It… uh… goes. Making lots of progress.”

“Is that so?”

Keirn nodded.

“Just checking up on things here. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone that knows magic?”

“I’ve already told you that bards have a tendency for picking up the odd ritual here and there.”

“Rituals, precisely!” Keirn said. “See, there was this seal but it was like hidden so no one would see it.”

“An invisible seal?”

Keirn could tell she wasn’t buying it.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t know if anyone is versed in summoning, would you?”

“Back to blaming me for this supposed murder?”

“No, no. Not you. See, the Duke’s only been here for three years and the Earl…”

Keirn paused as a thought struck him with the full force of a knight’s charge.

“I… need to check something…”

“Indeed. This wouldn’t happen to be the kitchens, would it?”

Keirn cocked his head.

“I saw you, out of your disguise I might add, heading there with some of your confederates. I must say that you managed to get changed rather quickly.”

“Then you know I speak the truth when I say I know Derrek!”

“Derrek! Yes…”

Licia looked over the rails at the entertainers working. Keirn then recalled that his friend had disappeared for a time before the feast.

“You know, I don’t think we ever established how you know him.”

“It’s really not important!” Licia said quickly. “Well, carry on with your search then!”

And she turned, her long braid whipping like a frightened snake as she hurried from the hall.

“I don’t have time for this,” Keirn muttered with a shake of his head. He hurried towards the corridor. He had to find the old Earl’s rooms.

If the guard was to be believed, it would be located near the top floors of the keep. And, presumably, it would still be abandoned if their superstitions still stood. He found the curving staircase ascending to the higher floors, his boots taking the steps as quickly as they could. The clatter of the metal made it sound like a legion of soldiers hurried in his wake.

Continue to Cry of the Glasya Part 7 >

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Cry of the Glasya Part 5

< Return to Cry of the Glasya Part 4

There is a confession I should make. I don’t understand feudal peerage. Every time I start writing one of these things I’m constantly spending time on Wikipedia and the web in general checking and cross-referencing the damn caste system established so long ago. I keep meaning to do a deeper study of it so I don’t have wonder whether a Duke is higher or lower than a Viscount and what the hell a Baronet is.

Of course, I still haven’t gotten around to it so I mostly do the standard trope of tossing some fancy titles out there to make it sound extravagant. The devil, as they say, is in the details. And typically the details are worked out in the editing process that these shorts generally miss.

So to all those big Medieval history buffs out there, I apologize. For the rest of us, who cares if an Earl is greater than a Duke. None of us would ever have any of these silly titles anyway. On to the next part!

I don't even know what this is trying to be. Art for the Cry of the Glasya story, I suppose.

I don’t even know what this is trying to be. Art for the Cry of the Glasya story, I suppose.

The sun shone brightly above as Keirn clanked up the steps. He clutched the haft of the halberd with unsure hands, frowning as the ridges of his gauntlets pressed uncomfortably into his skin. He was certain he was going to have ring imprints all over him for the rest of his life.

He scanned the length of the ramparts, pausing briefly to marvel at the majesty of the fluttering banners held in their posts. Like a sea of crisp standards, the exterior of the keep had been lavished with just as much attention as the inside. Whatever special occasion the Duke was celebrating, he was sparing no expense.

Keirn clanked along, keeping a bored eye out on the town as he passed. He didn’t know what he was expected to watch for. It wasn’t like an army was going to march up to the gates. The threat was far more subtle and wholly impossible to detect from this location. Perhaps after he made a quick round he could sneak back to the throne room. Maybe take up perch in the galleries where it would be harder for a random passer-by to find him.

He paused, feeling the heat of the sun and weight of the armour pressing down. He leaned against the stone rampart, enjoying the moment as he caught his breath.

All too late he heard the more sure footsteps of another. As he fumbled quickly for his halberd, his armoured fingers knocked the weapon to the ground with a clatter.

An arm bent and retrieved his weapon, holding it out to him.

“You must be new here.”

“What gave it away?” Keirn asked, taking the halberd back. Quickly, he added, “was hired just today actually.”

“Not much surprise,” the guard said, joining Keirn against the wall. “The Duke’s been throwing money at mercenaries and the like for the last fortnight. Seems he’s willing to give pay to anyone that can hold a weapon… or wear a suit.”

“And even to those who can’t do either.”

Keirn caught a forgiving smile.

“Have you been here long?”

“Most my life,” the guard responded. He stretched a long arm over the rampart. “That there is my humble home. Had aspirations of becoming a squire and perhaps one day a night. But… well… funny thing about aspirations.”

“So the Duke hasn’t always been this paranoid?”

“Ha, the man hasn’t always run this keep. I can say things were far better before he took up the throne.”

“He hasn’t always ruled?”

“Three years to the day. And with each passing night he seems to grow more and more anxious. At first we didn’t think much of it. New lord would surely be worried over his security especially given the circumstances of his arrival.”

Keirn looked at the man curiously.

“What do you mean?”

“Not from around here, eh?”

“To be honest, my friends and I were just passing through. We didn’t think much of the place but jumped at the opportunity for coin. Was a little surprised to find such a keep in a place like…” Keirn stopped himself before he said anything truly stupid about the other man’s home.

But the guard only laughed.

“Don’t worry, I’ve heard worse. Many travellers like to comment how Etreria has some decrepit fort while backwater Gelph has this resounding keep. What they don’t know is that this used to be the centre for a powerful kingdom.”

“Sounds like there’s a tale in there.”

The guard shrugged.

“Perhaps but I ain’t a bard.”

“Probably for the best. I’ve had my share of them for the day.”

“Aye but have you seen the one the Duke brought in? That man certainly spares no expense.”

Keirn watched the banners for a moment as he puzzled the guard’s words.

“So what happened to the old Duke?”

“Earl,” the guard corrected. He stood, looking up and down the rampart as if he suspected the knight captain to be standing over his shoulder. He then leaned in close to Keirn. “Rightly no one truly knows. Word amongst the quarters was some dodgy visitors came up to the keep one night demanding to see the Earl’s wife. Obviously, the Earl wouldn’t take such a flagrant show of disrespect. Had them locked up for the night to teach them some manners. But when they went to release them in the morning, they had apparently vanished.”

“Did the Earl have a change of heart?”

“You didn’t know the Earl.” The guard shook his head. “He was right jumping that day. I missed the whole event but he had us turn the entire keep over searching for them. Threatened to lock all those involved with handling the guests in the stocks. I think he was convinced they were looking for some improper dealings with his wife and the guards were conspiring with those folk.

“I remember him saying we were to arrested any of them on sight if they showed up in town again. Would have been quite the feat since no one seemed to have any good idea of what they looked like. Kind of strange, how the entire staff and even the Earl couldn’t quite get a good description of their faces.”

“That does sound odd. What happened next.”

“Lots of stuff. Can’t hardly even remember what order it was in either.”

The guard looked at the edge of his halberd, turning the weapon in his hands to slowly reflect to glare of the sun.

“The Earl and Countess had quite a few fights the following nights. Most of us tried to keep our heads down and avoid what we could. I couldn’t even tell you what they even fought over.

“More peculiar were the complaints from the scullery. Had us running all over the damn grounds searching for missing hounds or raided larders. Truthfully, I was thankful for the distraction and excuse from the throne room. But…”

The guard paused once more.

It was clear he was about to say something and thought better of it.

“But what?”

Keirn straightened, regarding the man’s features. He seemed momentarily reminiscent, letting some fleeting recollections pass quietly by. But the guard merely shook his head.

“Nothing. I should complete my rounds.”

“But you haven’t yet explained what happened to the Earl!”

The guard hesitated one last time before letting the spirit of gossip finally win over.

“Well, it’s like this. The Earl got really withdrawn. Like, he refused to see audiences, refused to see the Countess started demanding the servants stay out of his rooms. He wouldn’t eat. He wouldn’t even leave for his garderobe. The servants would have to collect a bucket deposited outside his door.”

“You think he suspected something of the servants?”

The guard shrugged.

“No one knew what to make of it. By the time the bucket stopped appearing the knight captain decided to investigate. The door to the Earl’s chambers were barred from the inside and after hollering for some time at it, he ordered it bashed down. By the time we broke through, we found nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing?”

“Just… nothing.”

“The Earl was gone? Perhaps he just left in the middle of the night.”

The guard shook his head.

“You don’t understand. It wasn’t just the Earl that was missing. His entire private chambers had been cleared. No desks. No chests. No bedposts. Nothing.”

“What?”

“Precisely!” The guard accentuated his point with a raised finger. “We poked around. There was the burnt fragments of something in the fire pit. Caulder thought it looked like the remainder of his bed. His windows were opened so we thought perhaps he’d fashioned some makeshift ladder and scrambled out. Instead we found the ruins of some furniture that had obviously been pitched but nothing to suggest he’d escaped that way. And the keep is quite large, I couldn’t imagine the Earl trying to scramble down its side with his… stature.”

“What of the Countess?”

“She hadn’t been allowed inside for some time either. She was quite shaken by the discovery. The knight captain suspected some sort of foul mischief and had a retinue posted about her. I was told that she simply couldn’t deal with the Earl’s sudden disappearance and had a few trunks packed before mounting her carriage and leaving quickly into the night. She was gone before the knight captain was even woken from his sleep.”

“That must have created quite the chaos for the knight captain.”

“That’s just the thing. Two days later the Duke rolls up in some fancy carriage with a proclamation of his right. There was no way the messenger would have arrived by then and yet he was here making the transition seamless. And aside from having his room moved, he made no comment on the Earl.”

“And now he’s fearful of an assassination on the three year anniversary of the Earl’s disappearance.”

“Well,” the guard paused, “when you put it that way it sounds downright sinister. You think there’s actually something going to happen?”

Keirn clasped the guard’s shoulder.

“I’d probably try and find a post that’s not in the audience chamber today.”

Continue to Cry of the Glasya Part 6 >

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Failed-Book Review

I suppose I should start posting spoiler alerts at the start of my book reviews. For this one, an alert hardly seems necessary as I never actually finished any of the three following stories. All have been abandoned for bland tales, poor writing or some combination of the two.

In an attempt to branch out in my reading I went to the internets for a book suggestion. In multiple threads several book titles were continuously flaunted. Having unsuccessfully tried George RR Martin’s unfinished series some time ago, I skipped past that title. I have heard mixed reviews for the lengthy Wheel of Time saga so I ignored that recommendation too. However, one name kept returning to the lists, The Name of the Wind. So I ventured to my local library to delve into the rich fantasy created by Patrick Rothfuss.

Failed-Book Review 1 – The Name of the Wind

Book cover so you know to avoid this poorly written specimen.

Book cover so you know to avoid this poorly written specimen.

Again, I state that this book came highly recommended. I also foolish thought – for a while at least, that this was a stand-alone story. As it turns out it is one in an unfinished trilogy.

It is difficult to know where to begin with a book like this. As my observant brother has already remarked, there are no well-developed characters, no meaningful females and an excessive amount of bottle-polishing in the all black inn. Truthfully, I didn’t even notice the bottle polishing or the authors overwhelming use of black descriptors.

I did, however, notice the incredibly bland nature of the story and the inept dialogue. The scene that sticks out the most for me occurs when the young hero’s teacher goes to speak with the young hero’s parents. Sitting seriously across from the two doting individuals the teacher breaks the startling news that his pupil is actually shockingly bright. Haven’t you ever noticed, he asks the parents, how your son just picks up everything so quickly and so perfectly? With his talents he could even … [drum roll please] … attend university!

Seriously? You have to tell the boy’s parents that he is obscenely gifted and then the best he can do with his oh-so-amazing abilities is attend university? Whoot. He might even me a merchant one day! OMG – this is beyond dumb. Ok, what is really impossibly stupid is that I continued to read this painfully inactive narrative for quite a bit longer. Past the point when his parents are meaninglessly slaughtered so the young hero can experience trauma in his formative years. Of course, the child of some 12 years or so acts in the most un-childlike and ridiculous manner – uhg!

One must particularly enjoy the stories told within the hero’s narrative of his own life’s tale – so glaringly important yet so obviously disconnected with the flow of the story it hurts to read. While the Name of the Wind may lack the glittering vampires and characterless female protagonist in the horrendously terrible Twilight series, it is clearly a Mary-Sue novel (for boys). I cannot understand the appeal. I cannot comprehend how people have not only read the entire 92 chapter book, its equally long sequel and actually await the third and thankfully final installment with anything resembling eagerness.

To all those internet people I have to ask: if you thought this was the height of amazingness, what do you think actually typifies bad writing?

Defeated by The Name of the Wind before I even reached the half-way point, I moved on to something a little different. Nights of Villjamur by Mark Charan Newton was an impulse buy from chapters. I was perusing the shelves looking for something new and exciting and this was in the bargain section – was that the first sign?

Failed-Book Review  2 – Legends of the Red Sun: Nights of Villjamur

Another book cover to avoid.

I still rather like this cover. I like the cold, hard landscape and the promice of epic sword battles it invokes.

Once more I thought I was selecting a stand-alone book. Once more I had picked the first in a series – clearly someone needs to do a better job of reading the book cover.

I will start by noting two things that I found interesting as I started my journey in this new fantasy realm. First, the world was set among an archipelago of islands rather than the typically large continent characteristic of most fantasy stories. Second, it was set in the far north where the threat of another ice age loomed in the not too distant future.

As for the negatives, well it is difficult to know where to begin. We are coarsely introduced to three separate characters in the prologue – each in the midst of uncompleted actions that loosely weave together. Their names, like those of the islands and cities are foreign and difficult to pronounce. So I found it very discordant when we are next introduced to them and two out of three bare different names than the prologue – rather confusing. More voices are introduced and more long and difficult names are bandied about without spending much time lingering on the characters before skipping to the next.

Similarly I struggled to make sense of the cities and their relationships to the each and the world at large. All told, I was not clear whether the city of Villjamur was at the centre of the empire or its edge. Was it the largest city and capital or did it actually belong to some outside force?

The mix of more modern cussing and coarse description interjected in to periods of detailed, historic-feeling description and world building did not sit well. But three things really pushed the slow-moving disjointed tale over the edge for me.

First, the mix of races found in the city: living (apparently) banshees that screamed with the deaths of others; garudas that are half-man and half-vulture (wings, beaks, and talons on a human form); and the rumel which seem to be a human crossed with a horse. Really, why? You have these bizarre combinations and one of the recurring characters worries that everyone else looks down on him because he is albino – well, he doesn’t have a tail or horse hide so I don’t see what the big deal is.

Second, zombies. Yes, they really do introduce dangerous, deadly hordes of clever undead stalking and killing the elite Night Guard (also magically or mechanically altered to be super humans – though I didn’t get far enough to learn which method was employed). This led me to the most obviously evil councilman who is not subtle in the least with his manipulations of the governing body. There was no ambiguity for his actions, not redeeming features. His little seen of bribery was so mustache twirling-evil as to be comical in other media.

Third, there was growing sense of despair that the author was going to directly connect his story with our reality setting it sometime in the future. Granted this was not explicitly stated. But there were worrying signs. It was in the nods to the Vikings with the descriptions of weapons, longboats and a direct mention of Valhalla. It was in the assertion that this was not the first ice age to sweep the lands and destroy earlier civilizations – including those that mentioned the walking dead in their records. It was in the allusions made when discussing magic as the use of ancient artifacts – magic/artifacts that caused large explosions very similar to grenades.

True these characters lacked the same obvious stupidity of those found in Name the Wind. They lacked Name the Wind’s perfect hero capable of doing everything without fault. They also lacked that hook to make them interesting; that snare to make me want to find out how they dealt with the growing problems swelling around them. Of course, because this is the first in the series, there seemed little emphasis on a clear, contained plot and more on introducing some large-picture, overwhelming problems.

One quarter into the book and I gave up. Part of me feels I should return to this tangled mess, after all, I actually paid money for it. On the other hand, I could weed my garden, wash a cat or watch some paint dry.

And so I am brought to review my third failed book. This book was actually the third in a series of undefined length. I had enjoyed book one and slogged through book two before giving up all hope on Black Powder War by Naomi Novik.

Failed-Book Review 3 – Temeraire (Book 3): Black Powder War

I actually perfer the cover of the first book in the series to this one.

I actually perfer the cover of the first book in the series to this one.

The series started interestingly enough with the hatching of a dragon egg on an English navy ship during the Napoleonic war. The unfortunate Captain finds himself transferred from the respectable position of captaining a war vessel to captaining a Dragon. It is a wordy novel that you have to be in the correct mind-frame to read. Most of the action happens in the final quarter, though I did enjoy the growth of the baby Dragon and the development of both main characters that eventually lead to a fight.

While I appreciated the first book, it took time for me to start the second. It was even longer to pull myself through endless pages of sea-voyage as the Dragon and Captain travel from England to China. Again the story is crammed awkwardly into the finally half-dozen chapters. The rest of the book being detailed descriptions of the food eaten by the Dragon (not by the humans), the endless sailing (but never the supposed tensions that exist between ship crew and dragon crew) and the Captain’s lengthy worries that his Dragon would rather stay in China than return to England (he is a Chinese dragon after all).

There was little character development in the second novel. We were already acquainted with the main protagonists and the author didn’t feel the need of personalizing the dragon’s crew (each dragon is manned by an undetermined number of airmen). This lack of detail, beyond the occasional name and one line description (like: one of the cabin boys was actually a girl), meant we the reader didn’t care much when these characters were unceremoniously killed. Often during battles when they were stabbed, shot or cut free to fall to their deaths. Occasionally individuals were washed away during storms or eaten by sea monsters (not as exciting as you would think).

The long-winded style of writing, which I assume was intentionally done, does affect an aura of that time-period. However, since nothing really happens for most of the book, I feel you are better off reading the final quarter which seems to summarize everything you need to know and completely skip the first three quarters of writing.

So, it was with considerably less eagerness that I embarked on the third part of the series. Here they destroyed the ship in a most convenient (or for the characters – inconvenient) fire, thus forcing the Dragon and his crew to travel the over-land route: the dangerous silk road. Even here, most of the pages were dedicated to the number of camels the Dragon would need to eat. As the party, a few men lighter from storms and … honestly I don’t remember any more … were first exposed to the talking, hungry, feral dragons I finally gave up in defeat. I skipped to the end, skimmed the last couple of chapters and closed the book for good.

While I appreciate period pieces to be written with the flavour of the time, you do not need to be as boring. Sure the war wasn’t all excitement, but already you have drifted into fantasy land when you had a dragon egg hatching on your ship! Now, let’s inject some action and more interesting plot and for goodness sake develop your main crew. They are so bland and forgettable the dragon doesn’t care when they die – and these men are supposed to be the dragon’s horde!

I would not recommend any of the above. However, if you have mysteriously found yourself successfully reading these books, I have two questions for you: Exactly how did you get through them? How do they end (please, summarize in four sentences or less – after all, we have already established my short attention span)?

Cry of the Glasya Part 4

< Return to Cry of the Glasya Part 3

A small note about these D&D shorts. They are, by their definition, short which means I don’t put nearly the amount of work or effort into them as I would for either a full length novel or even something I planned to submit to a competition. These stories are basically the filler and practice I do between other ‘jobs.’ They are essentially my doodles if I were in art and not writing.

As such, there are some portions of it that I would rework. I would be a little more exacting in the smaller details and I would certainly spend more than one or two quick ‘once overs’ to get the structure exactly right if I had any intention of these seeing some sort of official publication. Since I do not, they exist in the state that they do. They’re like a caged specimen stolen from the Cambrian – untried little organisms locked in stasis and saved from the exacting extinctions and pressures that would force them into the common organisms we see today.

Which is to say I’m not particularly fond of my next section.

Characters:

Licia (Lychee) Songsinger – beautiful singer and terrible summoner responsible for the death of Duke Arren Hasselbach

Jeremiah Pits – valiant paladin and moral bulwark for his friends

Derrek Gungric – insightful bard with a curious intuition and questionable music skills

Keirn Faden – self proclaimed leader of the adventuring band and stylized sorcerer

Kait Faden – sister and hoarder with a love of nature and archery so probably a ranger if she’d ever get around to ranging

220px-Caim_in_bird_form

More Ars Goetia art for Cry of the Glasya. Not my creation but found through Google searches. Also, it’s a cute bird with a sword. How adorable, he thinks he’s a real person!

Keirn sat on an upturned barrel, warming his chilled fingers over a cooking fire. A scratchy wool blanket was draped over his shoulders while the minstrel stood, pouring two dented cups with the boiled tea. She held one out for the sorcerer before pulling a chair and sitting opposite him.

“So, I apparently conjured some great demon creature from only the gods know where in order to eviscerate the Duke at the height of my performance?”

“And his entire court. And his guards. And presumably my kin and kind.”

“And why would I do this?”

Keirn opened his mouth but immediately shut it. He thought back to his conversation with Derrek. The bard seemed rather insistent that she was the one who did it but now her motives did seem suspect.

“I… guess you were hired to.”

“Me? A hired assassin?”

“Considering the Duke’s personal retinue, having a renown minstrel bring about his death would certainly slip past his security.”

“And, being this renowned minstrel you claim me to be, why would I throw away my reputation on some rather brutish ploy?”

“You’re paid well?”

Licia crossed her legs, giving Keirn the most condescending look he’d ever seen.

“I would think, given your professed time spent with that rather dubious troubadour you claim kinship with, you’d know just how valuable reputation is amongst the performing scholars. It is something worth far more than the gold and silver these upstart royals throw our way. We do not devote ourselves to this path over a misguided dream of riches and leisure.”

She paused and thought to herself.

“Well most of us don’t.”

“Then why would you perform?”

“For immortality.”

Licia leaned back in her chair, sipping slowly from her drink. She looked down at the cup, analyzing the contents briefly before holding it aloft for Keirn.

“See this? It is a special blend of herbs I’ve concocted in order to preserve my voice. I’ve devoted far more than a few hours of rehearsal to perfecting my craft. My food, my sleep and even where I’ll perform are all dictated by what will nurture and maintain my song. This isn’t a devotion you throw away for something as meaningless as coin. This is something more sacred. Something… divine.”

“Then why summon the demon?”

“I’ve done no such thing.”

She set her cup down, leaning in to appraise Keirn’s features more closely.

“I can see your conviction, however. What you’ve seen, you truly believe whether it be real or not. So let me ask you, why does a wizard study the arcane?”

“For… knowledge?”

“But not riches?”

“I’m sure they’re paid well for their services.”

“Truly? How many rule kingdoms or vast trading fleets? How many live in palaces and feast on the finest foods?”

“Look, this isn’t about wizards.”

“And yet they devote their entire lives to studying their tomes. Those with even greater thirst search abroad to further their knowledge, risking life and limb in an attempt to understand something far greater than you or I or even this Duke. Minstrelsy is much the same, though we search not through ancient lore but through ourselves and others.”

“Bards are wizards now?”

“Of a sort. Or wizards and bards are priests of another kind. The classification is meaningless.”

Keirn shook his head.

“This nonsense sounds like something Derrek would lecture me on.”

“Indeed.”

Keirn lowered his tea and carefully placed it away from him.

“So you and Derrek…”

“Are old… friends.”

“Odd, he never mentioned you to me.”

“Nor you to I. Yet here we are.”

It seemed impossible. Keirn had known the other man for most of his life. They had grown up in neighbouring villages of all places. It seemed unlikely, no unthinkable, that he would never have heard of this woman before.

And yet, they did grow up in different villages. And how well did the sorcerer know the bard before their time at the Academy. There was quite a few years unaccounted for in their past. And it dawned on the sorcerer that he knew little of what the bard did during that time. He’d assumed he’d just lived a quiet life at home.

But after travelling with him for so long, a quiet life was perhaps anathema to the other man.
“Fine, let’s pretend that you didn’t summon a demon and kill the Duke and everyone I care about…”
“Easy enough,” Licia smiled.

“… then by the hells where are they?”

“Well, I can’t account for your friends or the bard,” Licia said, “but unless I have been purposefully misled, the Duke is out on one of his extravagant hunts. It was meant to give me ample time to prepare for my performance. Time, I might add, I’ve decided to spend entertaining you instead.”

“But if you haven’t performed yet…”

“Then how could I have summoned a demon? Hm? Now do you understand my position?”

Keirn shook his head.

“This is impossible. You’re telling me that somehow I’ve travelled back before the ritual? No one is capable of such sorceries.”

“I know. So, really, the mystery seems to be surrounding you and not I. And given all that you’ve told me, it seems clear the course of action we must take.”

Once more there was a rustle of cloth before her dagger appeared again.

Keirn raised his hands.

“Look, I know this sounds unbelievable but give me some time to figure this out.”

“How do I know you’re not the alleged assassin and this is part of your plan?”

“Do I look like an assassin?”

Licia regarded the blanket wrapped man. She lowered her dagger with a smile.

“Very well, you have until after the feast but first some precautions.”

Licia stood, walking over to her bags. She searched through them until she produced a thin wand, some powder and three dried daffodils. She held the flowers out for Keirn.

“They’re really not my colour.”

“Eat.”

He knew he couldn’t argue and he slowly raised each dry plant to his mouth will the minstrel sprinkled powder about his stool then poking them into small piles with the wand.

“I’m certain this isn’t necessary. Whatever it is.”

“I can’t afford to keep an eye on you forever,” Licia said, smacking the vestiges of the dust from her hands. “So we’ll just make sure you can’t leave the keep.”

“You’re a wizard then?”

“More of a learner. All bards are keen students of life and that happens to include magic. It’s remarkable how much of the craft can be picked up by non-practitioners.”

She clapped her hands, closing her eyes as she began her chant. That crystal voice echoed about the stone walls, enchanting Keirn even with the dry words of wizardry. He couldn’t help but sit in mute appreciation as she lowered her hands to his head. He felt the soft tingle of arcane energies swirl about her fingers and course through his hair.

Odd that Derrek never seemed able to do any of this.

A few chortled syllables later, she removed her hands and looked at Keirn appraising.

“Weird.”

“Finished?”

She crinkled her forehead for a moment then shrugged.

“I suppose. It seems… nevermind. Go about your business, stranger. I’d recommend you be quick about it.”

She then claimed her blanket and kicked him from her room with little more than a pat on the bum.
Keirn stood shivering in the empty hall, rubbing his bare extremities. He never could understand why keeps had to always be so cold.

His first inclination was to find some clothes. He made his way back towards the guard room but, if his suspicions were correct, then his belongings wouldn’t be there. Sure enough, the quarters were in pristine order with nary a sign that Keirn and his company had been through.

Was it really possible that he had somehow reversed time? There were rumours of powerful archmages that could halt the passage of time but to completely reverse its course was as likely as forcing a river to run upstream.

Keirn picked about the room, searching through what trunks he could open, until he had enough clothing to drape himself in some makeshift armour. It wasn’t the most comfortable suit – these clothes always were best when fitted for the wearer – but it was better than running about in a loincloth. He plopped a half helm on his head to complete the assemble before clanking out into the hallway. He had no idea how people put these ludicrous suits on everyday. The chain mail was heavy and his arms felt like he’d been lifting Kait’s sacks all day.

He paused, considering his options. He didn’t know where to begin unravelling this mystery and decided the scene of the horror was the best start as any.

The audience chamber gave off an even grander presence when emptied of people. Keirn didn’t have much time to appreciate the majesty of the keep when they had been hired. The job opportunity had been a very last minute deal and they had been shoved into the rank and file of the guards in uncharacteristic haste.
Now that he had time to appreciate the Duke’s keep he couldn’t help but feel that this place was far more lavish than what belied the man’s position. Not that Keirn had much opportunity to judge the wealth of nobles but the few throne rooms he’d entered were just as lavish. How the Duke could afford such rich tapestries, exotic ornaments and a throne that would make any King jealous was beyond the sorcerer’s keen.

Keirn approached the centre of the chamber. Kneeling to the ground, he ran his hand over the floor. He couldn’t feel any markings or sediments to outline the seal Derrek mentioned. He removed his helm, leaning close to the floor to try and see if there had been any indication of mischief. It seemed clean, which led Keirn to believe the best approach to capturing his culprit would be to camp the audience chamber until the villain arrived to arrange his mischief.

He turned, finding a chair and easing his heavy armour into it.

Straps and loose rings of metal were starting to poke into his skin. He scratched absently at them, still trying to comprehend why people wore these cumbersome suits.

Keirn then wondered why anyone would want to kill the Duke. Certainly his brief interaction with the man hadn’t been pleasant but from Keirn’s experience most nobles were rather irritating to deal with. However, the man clearly knew of the plot against his life. Keirn was informed of that when the guards approached them in the market. Plus, they were promised quite a bit of coin for protecting him.

And as Keirn examined the polished arms hanging upon the wall, he began to question the Duke’s unfathomable wealth.

Was there a relative that was hoping to come into their inheritance early? A rather common plot and one Keirn was well acquainted with. The Duke appeared unwed so a child was out of the question. Disgruntled sibling, perhaps? Keirn wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister willing to kill you for your gold. He certainly couldn’t imagine Kait being that bloodthirsty. Though she had threatened to end his life on numerous occasions it was never over money they never had.

And as he peered at those arching pillars, Keirn couldn’t help but feel a sense of loneliness. He had his friends and sibling to rely upon. He knew he could trust them with his life. But here was a man that threw money at even the slightest armoured stranger to seek that comfort from a shadowy threat. He looked towards the elegant throne, noting it sat alone on its raised dais.

“Soldier, what are you doing there!”

Keirn jumped at the voice. He turned to see an armoured knight stroll boldly into the chamber. It took Keirn a second to realize he was being addressed, looking down at his mismatched disguise.
The knight regarded his ill fitting suit for a second before pointing roughly towards the exit.

“You should be on the ramparts! You’re not being paid for idling around while the Duke’s life is being threatened!”

Horse-dung, what was Keirn to do?

“It’s alright, I’m… securing this room.”

“Are you questioning a direct command?!”

The knight placed his gauntlet dramatically on his sword hilt. Keirn slowly slid onto his metal boots. There was no way he could keep watch on the chamber if he was walking the walls.

“And where is your weapon? Gods, what a disgrace if you were seen in this state!”

Keirn tried to conjure some explanation but merely dropped his head in deference.

“My apologies, sir.”

“Report to the armoury immediately! I want to see you on those walls before the Duke returns!”

Under the knights watchful gaze, Keirn cast one last desperate look over the hall before stepping out into the corridors.

Continue to Cry of the Glasya Part 5 >

Return to the Short Story hub

Food in Fantasy Land

What would life be like to live in a world without breakfast cereal?

I have recently been in a position to think deeply about the sorts of foods I eat on a regular basis. I find my tastes rather seasonal and generally very simple. I like salads and vegetables and barbequed meats during the hot summer months. During winter I tend to crave more traditional ‘comfort foods’ such as pasta – in nearly any form, roasted meats and potatoes, curries, cabbage rolls and even the occasional stew. These are usually the dinner or supper meal. Lunches are often similar as I generally consume leftovers, with the addition of a few more sandwiches. Breakfasts however, are regularly bowls of cold cereal and occasional eggs or pancakes.

However, if we were to enter Fantasy Land things would be different. According to the informative Tough Guide written by award winning author Diana Wynne Jones (she really did write excellent children’s fantasy books), my diet would consist largely of stew and waybread. This is the long way of bringing me to my point of interest; the appearance of food in books.

How many stories actually deal with eating; not just for the occasional banquet, but for the sustaining of the character’s life? How many fantasy books fall into the clutches of viscous, brown slop served with a flatbread?

This stew has more clearly identifiable meat than I would expect in Fantasy Land.

This stew has more clearly identifiable meat than I would expect from food in Fantasy Land.

There are a few stories that come to mind where the food stood out – not in a glaringly awkward way. Rather I noticed the food was something different, something regional. The first to come to mind is Zoe Marriot’s Daughter of Flames. I remember it had the main character eating chickpeas, which was different and weirdly interesting to read. Not that the author made a big deal of the food being consumed, just that when she described the meal as flavour for her world it didn’t include stew.

I suppose you could argue Harry Potter has a more realistic bend on the food issue too. Although many of the sweets are given cutesy names to fit with the fantastical world, the students often eat regular food: sausages, potatoes, eggs, toast and the like – I am sure there were vegetables in there somewhere too.

This stew has too many vegetables for Fantasy Land. Incidentally, I actually like to make and eat stew - good stew.

This stew has too many vegetables for Fantasy Land. Incidentally, I actually like to make and eat stew – good stew.

Just to clarify, I am not looking for vast detailed treaties on food and its preparations. Tolkien is famous for spending six pages discussing the preparation of rabbit – though was it a rabbit stew? I cannot remember. However, even this wordy narrator fell into the common trap of feeding his travellers a steady diet of waybread for much of the books. After all, the purpose of eating food is merely to remind the reader these are real people with real needs.

Interestingly, modern, urban fantasies and other adventure fiction falls victim to a similar problem of what to do with meals. I find that stew is not prevalent in these situations. Instead it has been replaced by coffee. Similar meal swaps are seen by many characters on TV. The first thing these individuals do in the morning is grab a cup of coffee – seemingly unable to function without the jolt of caffeine. When time is running short and the days long, don’t worry they don’t need to stop to eat – just drink another coffee or the occasional pop (soda for the Americans) and the character is good to save the world.

Realistic?

I hope not. Unless these individuals are also connected with nutrient giving IV drips, I don’t think they are going to have the strength to save the world – certainly not on a repetitive basis. I wonder does this also connect with or potential perpetuate eating disorders? We are in a time when the number of serious eating disorders (anorexia to obesity) is soaring and the characters in our popular media are showing serious lack of healthy eating habits.

Or perhaps I am more sensitive to the overabundance of caffeine in my stories as I don’t drink coffee, tea or pop. While not as bad as my brother, my morning requires a healthy bowl of cereal to start – substituted with the occasion egg or pancake. After all breakfast is the most important meal of the day.